It is not death that you weep for; it is always guilt. If you loved a woman, if you really loved a woman and you never betrayed her, and you never deceived her, when she dies of course you feel sad, but in that sadness there is a beauty. You miss her, but there is no guilt. You remember her, you will always remember, it will always remain a cherished memory, but you don’t go out of your way to cry and weep and to make much show of it. You don’t exhibit it, there is no exhibitionism in it. You will cherish the memory deep in your heart. You will not carry a picture in your pocketbook, and you will not talk about the woman.
I used to know a couple – the husband had been very bad to his wife. It was a love marriage, a very rich family, but the husband was a sort of Don Juan, and he had been betraying his wife in every way possible. Then she committed suicide – she committed suicide because of him.
I was passing through their town so I went to see, because somebody said that the husband was very unhappy. Since the wife had died his life had taken a change. I could not believe it. I thought he should have been happy. It was always a miserable relationship, a continuous conflict was there.
I went to see him. He was sitting in his drawing room surrounded by many pictures of his wife – all around – as if the wife had become a goddess. And he started crying. I said, “Stop this nonsense! – because you were never happy with this woman, she was never happy with you, that’s why she has committed suicide. That’s what you always wanted. In fact you have told me many times that if this woman dies you will be free. Now she has done that.”
He said, “But now I feel guilty, as if I have been the cause of her death, as if I have killed her. Now I am not going to ever get married.”
This is guilt, it is ugly.
When a buddha dies many people worship him. They were there when he was alive, but they never came to him. When a Mahavira dies, for centuries and centuries people go on worshipping. These people were there when Mahavira was alive, but now they feel guilty.
Look, Jesus was crucified. At the last moment even his own disciples deserted him; there was nobody to say, “I am his follower.” Even the last disciple… When Jesus was caught, Jesus told him, “Don’t follow me because you will not be able now any more to follow me.” He said, “I will come, master. I will go wherever they are taking you.” Jesus said, “Before the sun rises you will have denied me at least thrice. Don’t do it, leave me.” But he insisted.
Jesus was caught, the enemies took him, and the disciple followed in the crowd. The crowd became aware that somebody looks like a stranger, and they asked him, “Who are you? Are you a disciple of Jesus?” He said, “Who is this Jesus? I have never heard the name.” And thrice, actually thrice before the sun rose, he denied. And when he denied the third time, Jesus looked back and he said, “Yet the sun has not come over the horizon.”