This is the whole secret of finding yourself without being condemned by the society as mad.
A traveling salesman was just on the point of checking into a hotel when he caught sight of a stunning young woman who was without doubt giving him the full come-on treatment. He strolled over to her and nonchalantly exchanged a few words with her, behaving as though he had known her all his life. Then they both walked to the reception desk and booked in as man and wife. After a one-night stay, the salesman went to collect his bill and check out. He was appalled to be presented with a bill for one thousand pounds.
“Look here, this is out of the question. I have only been here for one day,” he cried.
“Yes sir,” replied the receptionist, “but your wife has been here a month.”
So don’t get into such trouble. On the outside remain exactly what you are, Satyadharma.
You advise watching patiently the untangling of the Gordian knot that ties me to the past. Some part of me is happy to do that; another part wants you to slash the knot asunder. Is this laziness or masochism or a mind trip?
It is not masochism, nor is it a mind trip. You are sincerely wanting to get out of the entanglement. You want to be free of all entanglement; you want to come out of the prison. What you are calling the Gordian knot, you want it to be slashed.
It is a sincere and authentic desire, but the trouble arises because this desire is also from the mind. So one part of the mind is ready to cut the Gordian knot and another part of the mind is always against. It is not a special question about the Gordian knot that divides you.
Mind’s functioning is through duality. The right word used for that is dialectics. Karl Marx has used that word as a foundation of communism. He calls his philosophy dialectical materialism. He says the society evolves through dialectics, and by dialectics he means it will be helpful to you for your development – and what he says has some truth in it.
The meaning of dialectics is that one part functions as the thesis, another part functions as the antithesis and out of the conflict of the two comes the third part, a synthesis. Synthesis on its own accord becomes again thesis and creates antithesis, and their conflict brings a new synthesis. This is how step by step evolution happens.