I said, “And the room also seems so empty, things are not all over the place. Why don’t you throw things yourself? Shout a little, scream a little – and she is not here so you can say anything you want. Throw things, beat on the clothes, and then come to the climax: I love you, darling. And you will have a good sleep.”
He said, “You must be joking.”
I said, “Why should I be joking? You try it – what is the harm?”
And you will not believe it: not that day, but after two days, he tried it – because I heard it. He was doing really a great job, greater than he had done ever before, a greater performance. And he climaxed it: “I love you, darling.” And soon I heard him snoring.
In the morning I went to see his room; things were all over the place. The servant opened the bedroom; the professor was still asleep. I woke him up; I said, “You did such a good performance.”
He said, “Really, it works. I was just trying, knowing perfectly well that it was not going to work. How could it work? – she is not here. But it worked; slowly, slowly I got hotter and hotter. She was almost here: when I was beating the pillows I was beating her. And I have never given her such a good beating – it was such a deep contentment to the heart. I have never slept so deeply. You were right.”
But this is the situation of almost everybody. You become addicted to your pain, to your misery, to your suffering. You really don’t want to get rid of it.
You go on asking how to get rid of it, but that is also a strategy of the mind; to go on inquiring how to get rid of it.
Have you ever asked sincerely, do you want to get rid of it? Are you ready to live without all the miseries and the pains and the sufferings that you have been carrying all along? Will you be ready to be left alone without all these long-standing companions who have been with you in thick and thin, who have never left you?
When everybody was leaving you, they were still with you. They have followed you like a shadow; they have been in a certain way a consolation. This will be very shocking to you when I say they have been in a certain way a consolation to you. When I say that, I have many things implied in it.
Your suffering makes you somebody special. Without all your suffering, you are nobody. Who are you? You will not even have something to talk about with anybody. You will be at a loss – what are you going to talk about?
In England, people talk about the weather just to avoid real conversation. It is a very sophisticated way, to talk about weather. But it looks a little idiotic because you are seeing the weather, I am seeing the weather, it makes no sense to say, “What a beautiful day, how sunny!” you are seeing it, you are also in the same day. You are not tomorrow, you are not yesterday, you are here with me. And you say, “Yes, so beautiful!”