What do I mean? The first thing: when you are spontaneous you are not in control, you cannot be in control. If you are in control then the act is not spontaneous, then you are thinking of the consequences, the results, this and that – a thousand and one things. You are managing. A spontaneous act is one in which you are not the manager; in which God manages, the whole manages – call it Tao; in which you are no longer in control, you have dropped your control, you have surrendered your control. Now you don’t know what is happening, you don’t know where you are going, you don t know what will be the outcome – and you are not worried about it at all, not even a bit. You are simply herenow, totally. The act is so total that you are absorbed in it, you are not standing outside of it. To control something you have to be outside of it. A controller can never be inside an act a controller is always on the outside – hence the controller can never enjoy. To enjoy, you have to disappear in the act. That disappearance is danger. Now you will be vulnerable – naturally so, obviously so. Now you don’t know. Anything is possible. And you are not in control so you cannot direct – this is the danger. There is no direction any more. You are completely drunk with the moment, drowned in it relaxed in it so much that you cannot even feel who you are.
Remember, the feeling that “I am” is the feeling of a tense mind. When the tenseness disappears the “I” also disappears. The ego is nothing but accumulated tension of the past, of the future. Have you not observed some moments in your life when you were not? Those were moments of benediction – those were moments of great blessing, beautitude. In those moments heaven opened for you.
But heaven opens only when you open – and when you open there is danger. The danger simply means that now the future is not in your hands, the future becomes unpredictable. You are at the mercy of the whole – this is what danger is.
So right, Sahajo, your feeling is absolutely right. “You have helped me to be in touch with my own spontaneity, yet it is the most dangerous quality of life I have ever encountered.” In fact, this is the first time you have encountered life, because life is spontaneity and life is danger.
Have you ever heard of any man who has lived without danger? To live means to be in danger, to die means to be out of danger. Those who are in their graves are out of danger, out of all danger. Now nothing can happen to them: nobody can insult them, nobody can kill them, nobody can rob them. Not even death is possible. They are absolutely beyond all danger.
So people who are too afraid of danger start living in a sort of grave; they create a grave of security around themselves and they start living in that grave, a subtle grave, a mind grave. They feel protected. But against whom are you protected? Against life. The moment you protect yourself you are creating barriers against life – then less and less life will be coming. A person who is secure is a person who is dead.
To live means to live dangerously; to live means to remain available to all possibilities. And infinite are the possibilities. You are not limited to any possibility, you have an unlimited being, unbounded. You can be anything; the next moment can bring anything. Deep down each individual is a whole humanity – not only a whole humanity, a whole existence. The tree exists in you, the dog exists in you, the tiger exists in you; the whole past exists in you and also the whole future. In a very atomic way all that has happened in the world and all that is going to happen exists in you potentially. You can be in millions of ways hence to live means to live dangerously, to live means to live through change, movement. One remains a river.
If you are secure you become a pool of water; there will be no movement, no dynamism. Static, stagnant, the pool of water becomes dirty and by and by it dies. A river is alive and nobody knows what will happen. It may get lost in a desert. What is going to happen is unpredictable. A predictable life is a mechanical life; unpredictable and you are throbbing with life, pulsating, vibrating. Then God, or Tao, or the whole, lives through you.