We cannot go back, we can only go forward. There is no going back. We cannot go below knowledge, we can only go beyond knowledge. Only a different innocence is possible – the innocence of total awareness.
There are two types of innocence. One, below knowledge: the childlike, the pre Adam-like, animal-like, below knowledge. You are not, the ego is not, the troublemaker is not. You exist as part of the cosmic whole. You don’t know that you are part. You don’t know that there is a cosmic whole. You know nothing. You exist without knowing. Of course there is no suffering, because suffering is impossible without knowledge. One has to be aware of suffering to suffer it. How can you suffer if you are not aware?
You are being operated upon, a surgeon is operating on you. You suffer if you are conscious. If you are unconscious, there is no suffering. The leg is cut completely, thrown; there is no suffering, because suffering is nowhere recorded, nowhere known, you are unconscious. You cannot suffer in unconsciousness. You can suffer only when you are conscious. The more conscious, the more you will suffer. That’s why the more man grows in knowledge, the more he suffers.
Primitive people cannot suffer so much as you can suffer, not because they are better but because they are ignorant. Villagers, even today, villagers who are not yet part of the modern world, live in a more innocent way. They don’t suffer so much. Because of this, many fallacies have come to the thinkers, to philosophers. For example, Rousseau or Tolstoy or Gandhi: they think because villagers are more blissful it would be good if the whole world became primitive again, went back to the jungle, back to the forest, back to nature. But they are wrong, because the man who has lived in a civilized city will suffer in a village. No villager has suffered that way.
So Rousseau goes on talking about “back to nature” and continues to live in Paris. He himself will never go to the village. He talks about the poetry of village life, of the beauty, of the innocence, but he himself will never go. And if he goes, then he will know that he will suffer as no villager has suffered, because once consciousness is attained you cannot throw it – because it is you. It is not something that you can throw. It is you – how can you throw yourself? Consciousness is you.
Adam suffered shame; he felt his nakedness. Ego is the reason. Adam attained a center, though false, but still a center. Now Adam was different from the whole cosmos. Trees were there, stars were there, everything was there, but Adam was now an island, separate. Now his life was his life, not part of the cosmic whole. And the moment your life is your life, struggle enters. You have to fight inch by inch to exist, to survive.