So don’t ask me, “How to feel one or the other?” If you feel one or the other you will be wrong. When you feel both, then you feel the total. The total is bound to be both, the negative and the positive. It is bound to be both death and life, summer and winter.
And that’s where mind feels baffled, puzzled. Mind would like clear-cut things, but nothing can be done about it. Mind’s requirements and expectations cannot be fulfilled. Existence has no obligation to fulfill mind’s requirements and demands. You have to accept existence as it is. It is paradoxical and mind is not paradoxical. Mind is linear, logical, not dialectical. As far as mind is concerned it is Aristotelian, and as far as life is concerned it is more Hegelian than Aristotelian. It is dialectics: it moves from thesis to antithesis, and so on, so forth. The whole movement depends on thesis and antithesis. The polar opposites are really not opposites but complementaries.
Enjoy the polarity, the paradox. Rejoice that you are on the right track. And go on moving in spite of all the fears. They are natural. I cannot say that you should not feel those fears – they are absolutely natural, but you can go on in spite of them.
Remember, the difference between a coward and a courageous man is not that the coward feels fear and the courageous man does not feel fear. No, that is not the difference between the coward and the courageous. Both feel fear. The difference is that the coward listens to the fear and stops his movement, and the courageous takes no notice of it, pushes it aside, and moves in spite of it.
The second question:
Why do you say that it is right to meditate but wrong to pray? In my opinion, meditation gives deep inner calm to a person for his own sake, but to pray deeply and calmly gives you the direct and intense connection to God, and his holy spirit comes down to you.
I have not said what you have heard. You must be hearing through a thick layer of Christianity, a thick layer of rubbish.
In the first place, you say, “Why do you say that it is right to meditate but wrong to pray?” …Because meditation is the only prayer there is, and prayer is possible only in meditation; any other prayer is going to be false, pseudo. If you have not been in deep meditation, how are you going to know that there is God? Then the idea of God is just a conditioning given by others to you.