There are two types of life. One life, that is very superficial, depends on breath: it is the life of the body and the mind. Then there is another type which doesn’t depend on breath. It is deeper than breath and can exist without it. That life is spiritual – call it divine or whatsoever you like.
So it is natural to be afraid in the beginning, but by and by allow it. Enjoy the gap and the silence that falls all over existence when the breath stops. Nothing moves, because all movement is the movement of your mind. When your mind is not moving, nothing moves. In that no movement, a door opens. But if you become afraid you will miss, mm? Then you become so concerned about breath that you miss the door that is opening inside. So next time it happens, feel blissful and thankful. Feel grateful that a great opportunity has been given to you, and don’t be worried about breath.
Just look inside – a door is opening. When you have a glimpse of it, the whole gestalt changes: your emphasis is not on the breath, it is on the door. You simply move from the door into another world.
Should I try to be brave and just(?
No, never try to be brave, because that is part of cowardice, and you will miss the whole thing. Just relax and accept it. If you try to be brave you start a fight, and then you will again cling to the same point.
Just relax into it. If it feels like death, say, “Okay, I accept it. I am ready to die.” That much will do. Being brave is going to the opposite extreme and it won’t help. You are somewhere in between, where there is neither cowardice nor bravery.
There’s one other thing. I’ve found that I can concentrate with my eyes on objects. I started in the morning lecture, just looking at you and phew(! I’m enjoying now looking at the moon and the flowers, but my body starts((he starts swaying to demonstrate).
Mm, it is good, it will move. Let it move. Let your enjoyment be like a dance. It is a subtle dance coming to you, so when you see a flower and the body moves, move. Let it be graceful and enjoy it. This is how your whole body is trying to enjoy the beauty of the flower. When you look and your body starts moving, it means that it is allowing the moon’s rays to enter you and create a new dance that you have not known before.
It is just as when the ocean comes in tide when the moon rises. Your body starts moving, and a subtle movement which has been asleep, becomes awake. Don’t try to force it, allow it. Then you will be enjoying the flowers, not only with the mind and intellect, but with your total being, your body included. Unless you enjoy it totally it is just a mind thing and nothing much.