Rukmani was even more puzzled. She said, “Now you have puzzled me even more. Why did you jump up so suddenly to go to the door and why did you come back? You jumped up as if the house was on fire. I don’t see anything happening anywhere. And why have you come back if there was something happening?”
Krishna said, “There was something. One of my devotees is walking on the earth in a certain city. And he is singing my song, playing on his veena, dancing in the street, but people are throwing stones at him and blood is flowing from his forehead. He had not reacted at all, he was absolutely silent, absolutely centered, absolutely helpless. I was needed, I was needed to help him immediately.”
And Rukmini said, “Then why did you come back from the door if you were needed so urgently?”
Krishna said, “There was no need then. The moment I reached the door he had taken a stone in his hand. Now he is helping himself. My help is not needed.”
This is a beautiful parable. God helps you only when you are really totally helpless, absolutely helpless. In your absolute helplessness ego is completely gone. What is helplessness? Egolessness. Egolessness is helplessness. You cannot do anything. How can you be when you cannot do anything? The ego functions through the doer. If you can do a little bit still then the helplessness is not total. And God only comes to you when you are totally lost. When you are really helpless, help comes.
Become totally helpless. I don’t think, Sahajo, that you are totally helpless. You are feeling helpless but not totally. Go a little deeper into it. And a moment will come, the moment of transformation will come, where you disappear and the whole takes everything in his hands.
“I am feeling too vulnerable, possessed by you and this spontaneous union. Where is the center of this cyclone?” Nowhere. The cyclone is the center. Lose yourself in this cyclone. Losing yourself in this cyclone you find the center. But the center is not separate from the cyclone. God is not separate from the world, the soul is not separate from the body, mind is not separate from matter, the outer is not separate from the inner, the lower is not separate from the higher, it is one reality, one solid reality. Lose yourself in it and you will find that the cyclone is the center. The moment you have found that the cyclone is the center you have found a great truth, you have arrived at the door from where you can enter the innermost shrine of life, love, meditation, existence.
The second question:
What is in my womb – a ghost, or a goat, or God?
A difficult question because I am not a womb-reader. Wait a little. Time will show who is in your womb.