In your disappearance is the whole possibility of some miracle happening. So please don’t guess; otherwise deep inside your love will remain half-hearted – you are doing it for some purpose. And when love becomes a purpose it is no longer love. Your joy will become phony, because if you are joyful so something can happen in the world, you are not really joyful – you are using joy. And if your dance is a means towards an end, it cannot be total. Unless your dance is an end in itself, there is no possibility of its being total.
And only a total dance, an authentic love, a whole-hearted joy, perhaps may create some miracles around you. But you will not be the one who has done them; you will not be the one who can brag about them. They will happen only when you are not.
God happens only when you have moved out of the way and left yourself totally empty, spacious. It is a very strange phenomenon: The guest only comes inside the house when the host disappears.
Sometimes after moments of clarity and lightness, it seems old intimates like violent feelings, jealousy, feeling furious, et cetera, come back even stronger than before, as if they were just waiting around the corner to have their chance again. Can you say something?
I can say something, but those feelings of violence and jealousy and furiousness will still be waiting by the corner. Just by my saying something, they are not going to disappear – because without knowing, you are nourishing them; without knowing, your desire to get free of them is very superficial.
You are not doing exactly what I have been emphasizing continually; you are doing just the opposite. You are fighting with the darkness, and you are not bringing the light in. You can go on fighting with the darkness as long as you want – you are not going to be victorious. That does not mean that you are weaker than darkness, it simply means that what you are doing is irrelevant to darkness.
Darkness is only an absence.
You cannot do anything directly to it – just bring light in.
And it is not that when you bring light in, darkness will rush outside through all the doors. Darkness is an absence – light comes…there is no question of absence anymore. Darkness does not go anywhere, it has no existence of its own.
I will read your question: “Sometimes after moments of clarity and lightness, it seems old intimates like violent feelings, jealousy, feeling furious, et cetera et cetera, come back even stronger than before, as if they were just waiting around the corner to have their chance again.”
Your clarity and your lightness are only momentary. If you bring in the light for a moment and then blow out the candle, the darkness will be back again – not that it was waiting by the corner; you have again created the absence of light.
Your torch of consciousness should be burning continuously; then there will not be any darkness.