Sitting before me, what are you doing? Just sitting. That is the meaning of zazen. In Zen they call meditation “zazen.” Zazen means just sitting, doing nothing. If you can just sit near me that is enough, more than enough; nothing else is needed. If you can just sit without doing anything – not even doing a thought, not even thinking or dreaming – if you can just sit near me, that will do everything. “Suddenly you are too much for me,” you say. Yes, if you just sit I will be too much – because if you just sit, suddenly I will be flowing within you. If you just sit, you will immediately become aware of light and love. And then you say, “I want to leave you,” because you are afraid of love and light.
You have become a denizen of darkness. You have lived in darkness so long that your eyes are afraid. No matter what you say – that you would like to live in the light – your deep-rooted habits shrink and say, “Where are you going?” You have a great investment in darkness. All your knowledge is related to darkness. In light you will be absolutely ignorant. All your wisdom and experience is out of darkness; in light you will be naked, nude. All that you know belongs to darkness; in the light you will find yourself just like an innocent babe, a small child, not knowing anything.
You have lived in bondage and now you are afraid to be free. You go on talking about freedom and moksha – absolute freedom – but if you watch yourself you will know that whenever freedom comes your way, you escape. You become afraid. Maybe you talk about freedom just to deceive yourself; maybe it is a substitute, the substitute Wagner is talking about. You are in bondage; you have never known freedom. You talk about freedom, you sing songs of freedom and through those songs you have a vicarious satisfaction – as if you have become free. It is an “as if” freedom. But with me it is not going to be “as if,” it is going to be a reality. You become afraid of the reality.
You go on asking for love, but when it comes you escape because love is dangerous. One of the greatest dangers in life is love. The mind can become settled with marriage, but not with love. The mind always wants law, not love. The mind always loves order, not the chaos that love is. The mind wants to remain in security, and love is the greatest insecurity you can come across. Whenever love comes you become afraid to the very roots, you shake and tremble because that love, if allowed to enter in you, will destroy your mind. The mind says: “Escape! Escape immediately!” The mind is trying to save itself.
You have lived too deeply in contact with the mind and you have become too attached. You think that whatever the mind says is right; you think that whatever is security for the mind is security for you. There is the whole misunderstanding. The death of the mind will be life for you, and the life of the mind is nothing but death for you. The identity has to be broken. You have to become aware that you are not the mind. Only then can you be near me, only then will the effort to leave and escape dissolve. Otherwise you can find reasons to leave, but those reasons will all be phony. The real reason will be this: that you were not able to let light come in, you were not able to let love come in and destroy your mind and destroy your ego and give you a rebirth.
The third question: