Sense perceptions are not a hindrance. Your sensitivity, your perceptivity will become deeper as your meditation deepens. So, finally, the old man in the story was given the right answer by the master. That’s my answer also to you.
Just get rid of suffering.
Nothing else in the world can prevent your meditation.
Sometimes, sitting with you is pure delight. My whole body is flooded with a strange and lovely feeling, like a silent orgasm that has no top or bottom. But more often I feel so busy with my aches and pains and thoughts that I can’t be here, I can’t seem to relax into myself, or let anything be. Then I get really worried that there is some unconscious resistance. Can you tell me if I am fighting or what? And if I am fighting – what for?
What is happening “sometimes” will start happening more and more. Your emphasis, your attention should be on what is happening, not on what is not happening. You have to understand a fundamental law: attention is nourishment.
Your question is: “Sometimes, sitting with you is pure delight.” Why sometimes? If it can be even once a delight to sit with me, then pour your whole attention into what is happening that is making you so delight-full, so peaceful, so relaxed. Once in a while you will find that the mind is “…so busy with my aches and pains and thoughts that I can’t be here.” It is natural. Old habits, long friendships, drop slowly. These aches and pains and thoughts are your old habit.
It is a miracle that sometimes you come out of your old structure, out into the open sky. Just pay more attention to these moments. Nourish them, relish them. And when it does not happen, don’t be worried. Just remember one thing: it is an old habit. But don’t give it any attention, don’t be bothered. It is absolutely human. For centuries, for many lives, we have not known anything other than misery, pain, agony. Naturally they have gone deep into our unconscious.
No fight at all is happening within you. It is just that an old habit takes possession of you. You should remember that it is just a habit and “I am not to be concerned with it, not to be bothered with it. Let it be there.” And soon those old habits will start falling like dead leaves from the trees.
In fact, there seems to be no problem; it is just that you are not aware of your habits, unconscious accumulations. It is good that they are coming up, because that is the only way to get rid of them. Don’t repress them, otherwise they will go on coming up. And don’t give them attention, otherwise you are giving nourishment to things that should be starved and allowed to die.