I trust you unconditionally, and now I’m no longer a sannyasin simply to rid myself of my fears. I am now here without any need, hope, desire or expectation. I am no longer feeling dependent on you. I am with you without any reason, just for fun, and I trust you without belief. Is this the state of being a true disciple?
Yes and no. Yes, because what you have described is authentically the state of a disciple. No, because you cannot cheat me. The description is right, but it is not about you. And my logic is very simple. If you were really independent, trusting me unconditionally, not out of fear or greed, without any desire or expectation, then this question would not have arisen in the first place.
The implication of the question is that you still want my approval and that is dependence. You are asking me, “Is this the true state of a disciple?” Why are you asking me? If you are experiencing it, the experience itself will be the answer. But you are not experiencing it. You may be imagining and you need my approval, you want me to say, “Yes – great, groovy.” But that will make you dependent on me.
I would love you all to be independent of me, because if you are dependent on me, in some way you will go on resenting me. Nobody loves a man on whom you are dependent, who has taken away your freedom, your independence, who has possessed you. You are imprisoned. Who loves the jailer? And I don’t want to be anybody’s jailer.
Please, don’t be dependent on me, because your dependence is dangerous to me. Behind your dependence will be great resentment, hatred. It is poisonous. I want you to be completely independent of me, so that I can be completely free from any resentment, hatred – at least from my sannyasins. You should understand my situation.
The whole world is hostile towards me. All the religions are full of hate towards me. All the politicians are agreed upon one point: that I should be removed as quickly as possible, that I should not be allowed to wake people anymore. The American government and the government of the Soviet Union may be enemies on every point, but on one point they are friends – that is me. Just think of the hostility all over the world, of all kinds of people….
Your love is protecting me, keeping me alive. But if your love is that of a dependent person it is no longer love, it is hidden hostility. So if you become independent I am freed from your resentment at least.
And I am concerned only with my world of sannyasins. Their love is my nourishment, their love is keeping me in the body. Otherwise, as far as I am concerned my work has been completed long ago. There was no need after that to go on living in the body, with all its troubles. But looking at you, I feel to hang around a little more.
But your dependence hurts me, even your dependence on getting approval from me.