You ask me, “Today in lecture I looked at you and I felt myself so shallow and phony and false.”
It is good. It is immensely beautiful that you felt it. This is the beginning. If you become aware of the phony, you cannot remain unaware long of that which is real. Because to be aware of the phony means that somewhere you have started becoming aware of the real. Maybe it is very vague, cloudy, not yet clear, not yet transparent, muddy. But the beginning has started. To know the false as false is the beginning of knowing the real as real. This is a good beginning, an auspicious beginning.
You say, “There doesn’t seem to be anything deeper inside me.” To become aware of this, that “There is nothing deeper inside me,” is the first step towards depths. Millions of people go on thinking that their shallow personality is their soul. Their shallow personality has depth, they think. They go on believing it and believing it, they go on missing their reality.
My function here is to make you aware of the false and the phony and the unreal and the superficial. And when for the first time it dawns that you are phony, it hurts, because you have always believed just the opposite. You have always remained with the idea that you are very, very real and deep, that you have heights and depths – and you have nothing.
Right now as you exist, you don’t have any depth, you don’t have any height. You exist as persona; you are not yet aware of the essence. And only the essence can have heights and depths. But to become alert that “I am shallow” is good, tremendously important, significant. Don’t forget it again, remember it. It will hurt, it will become a pain in the heart, it will become a wound. It will be like an arrow going deeper and deeper, and it will become more and more painful.
That is the journey that every seeker has to go through. That is the pain which is needed for your rebirth. Don’t forget it, and don’t start believing again in the old phony personality.
You are not that which up to now you have been thinking you are. You are something totally different. You are not this body. You are in the body but not the body. And you are not this mind either; the mind is there, but you are far beyond the mind. You are the witness.
You say, “I felt myself so shallow…” Who has felt it? Remember that. Shallowness itself cannot feel that it is shallow. It will have no idea of depth. How can it feel it is shallow? Misery itself cannot feel that it is misery; somebody else is needed, somebody who has known states of bliss. Only that one can become aware of misery. Disease cannot feel itself as disease, only health can feel disease as disease. Remember that.