You are totally free. I throw you into an openness. That is what is meant by initiation. It is not narrowing you down, it is giving you an open sky. It is just pushing you to fly in the open sky. Of course there are no roads and no road maps – there cannot be. And there can be no footprints in the sky. So you have to fly alone. You have to depend on yourself alone. Your strength will be your sole company – the only company.
Life is just like a sky. It is not like roads on the earth, you cannot follow. Following is impossible. You have to be alone. Initiation means that now I push you into aloneness. From now on you will be totally alone, not depending on anyone – not even on me. It requires courage. To imitate is easy, to follow is easy, to depend on someone is easy. But to be totally alone with no map, with no discipline, with no system, is the greatest courage. And a sannyasin means one who is courageous. This courage is not something which can be imitated. It has to be developed through living.
You will err. You will go astray. That is all implied in it. But by erring you will learn, and by going astray you will come to the right way. And there is no other way. You have to pass through all this arduousness, this walking alone, this flying alone…. One has to pass through all this austerity.
And this sannyas is different in another sense also, because the old sannyas – the so-called sannyas which is prevalent – is less a spiritual renunciation and more a social renunciation. And not even social: the structure of it is more physiological, and less spiritual.
This sannyas is basically spiritual. So you can remain anywhere – where you are. It demands no superficial changes. It demands only a transformed mind. It demands a mutation – inner, deeper, spiritual. And as I see it, the more you are involved with the physiological, the less there is the possibility to go deep, because once involved with the physiological you will never be out of it. You will never be out of it because there are intrinsic impossibilities. If someone is trying to be above desires, he is struggling for something which is impossible because desires are natural. Your body cannot exist without them. So you will go on killing the body, and still desires will be there – lesser of course, but they will be there. And the weaker the body, the lesser desires will be more strongly felt. So you can go on weakening, but unless you die the body will have desires.
They are not really desires, they are needs. Needs are to be fulfilled. And the better fulfilled, the less they trouble you, the less they demand, the less time is needed for them. So once you are struggling with your physiological needs, you will waste your whole life. This whole process – this old sannyas – is negative, fighting against something. Of course, it is ego-strengthening. Whenever there is fight, ego is strengthened. If you can kill a desire you become more egoistic. If you can deny your body a particular need, you become more egoistic. Fight – in whatsoever manner – is always violent. And always ego-satisfying and ego-fulfilling. You can take it as: violence means all that is ego-fulfilling.