I have done so many therapy groups in order to deprogram myself; and above all I have the greatest fortune in existence to be so close to you. Still, sometimes I feel like having moved miles from where I was stuck a few years ago, and sometimes I feel I haven’t moved one inch. Then I feel so desperate that everything seems to be futile. I can watch this happening but still there is suffering.
Please give your advice.
It happens to everybody, because both the experiences are still of the mind. The beautiful space and the despair, the suffering – they are not opposite to each other. They are part of the same mind, because mind exists in duality.
It is just like a bullock cart: two wheels are needed. You cannot have a bullock cart with one wheel. The mind is even older than a bullock cart – it is the mind that invented the bullock cart.
The trouble arises when you start identifying yourself with the beautiful moments, then you are getting ready for trouble. Then soon the other thing is going to happen: you will be suffering, you will be desperate.
So the first thing to be understood is that both things are of the mind. That will give you a little distance from both the experiences. And secondly, don’t bother about the suffering and the despair. Concentrate when you are feeling beautiful, when you are feeling that you have moved miles from where you were stuck. That is the moment to remember, “It is a mind game, and I am not going to participate. I am going to remain simply a witness.”
Not identifying with the beautiful moment will automatically destroy the other part: the suffering, the despair.
People always do vice-versa; and that is not possible in the nature of things, because the second part is the other side of the coin. When you are feeling beautiful, you get identified; you feel, “It is me, this is my real self.”
Now you are preparing the ground – digging the ditch to fall into it. And when you are in despair and suffering, then how can you say, “I will be simply a witness”? You cannot be a witness.
Nobody wants despair or pain, all those negative feelings; everybody wants to get rid of them. But the way to get rid of them is to get rid of them through the beautiful spaces that you come across.
So whenever you are again feeling in a silent, peaceful, blissful state, remind yourself – don’t fall asleep – remind yourself, “This is not me. I am just seeing something far away there on the screen. I am just consciousness, awareness. I am taking note of it, what is happening there.”
Keep aloof. It will be a little difficult – one wants to jump into it, it is so beautiful – but if you can keep aloof from the beautiful moments, you have won a great victory, because the person who is capable of keeping himself just a witness of beautiful moments and does not get identified…. It will be child’s play for him to witness depression when it comes.
Both the extremes, witnessed, start disappearing.