You are saying, “I am filled with gratitude for all the love, understanding and sheer joy that being with you has brought me. Why then, Osho, do I think of death so longingly?” It is one of those contradictions of existence, those mysteries of existence. For example, the poor man is never frustrated, because he has something to hope for: tomorrow may bring good news; there is some possibility that tomorrow he may not be poor. It is the rich, the super-rich man, who becomes frustrated, because tomorrow is not going to be something different or new, something more than he has already. Tomorrow has become absolutely hopeless; hence the frustration.
People in poor countries don’t suffer so much as far as the mind and consciousness is concerned. As the country becomes rich, logically one would expect that the people should become happier, more contented. Now the misery is gone: starvation is not there, medical care is there. Everything is good: you cannot expect more. But suddenly, there is a sadness that starts settling in the rich countries, in rich societies. And the sadness comes because they start forgetting the misery of starvation and they cannot see the future bringing any new meaning, any new flowers. Everything will now be static, routine.
Hence more people commit suicide in rich countries than in poor countries. Logically it should be vice versa: in poor countries people should commit suicide; but they do not because they still have hope. Life today may not be meaningful, but who knows about tomorrow? Things change. They have seen poor people becoming rich, they have seen all kinds of changes happening.
There is no need to feel hopeless, because all possibilities are open. They just have to make an effort, and if they fail – it doesn’t matter – they must make more effort. But the idea of suicide does not arise at all.
I have moved amongst the poor for decades. It is almost impossible to find a poor man asking about suicide, about meaninglessness, about frustration, about anguish, about angst. These are not their questions at all. These questions arise only at a certain stage of affluence, luxury, comfort. More people go mad in the rich countries than in the poor. The ratio is large, the difference is great.
Even if in a poor country somebody does commit suicide or go insane – which is very rare – his reasons are totally different from the reasons of a rich man. The poor man may commit suicide, but not out of frustration, not out of meaninglessness, not out of discontent. He knows nothing of contentment and he is not tired of his discontent, because there is always a possibility that discontent may become contentment, the poverty may change.
In poor countries, the people who commit suicide are either retarded – they cannot manage to live; their minds are not able to cope with life and its situations – or they commit suicide because they are blind, crippled, paralyzed. But these are not the reasons in a rich society.
The same is true of your spiritual life. Devageet, you feel it as a question. I feel it as the sheer outcome of your joy, fulfillment, contentment. To me it is a beautiful experience, not a question, not a problem to be solved, but something to be understood. It is indicative that you are coming closer and closer to the ultimate sachchidanand, to the truth, to the explosion of consciousness, to the highest peak of bliss. Just before one is coming close to home, one starts feeling as if one has arrived. But it is only “as if.” It is so beautiful that one cannot think things can be even better.