But you want to receive these blessings for nothing. You don’t want to change your position at all. You don’t want to empty yourself even one little bit – even though you want to be a lake. Your ambition says you want to be a Mansarovar, the sacred lake and pilgrimage place on mount Kailash, and you don’t have the courage to empty yourself just one little bit.
Sannyas is another name for courage. Why are you scared? Who is stopping you from taking sannyas? What is the fear? The fears involved are trifling. But man is cunning. He whitewashes his fears with his cunningness. It seems difficult to even accept fear as fear, because to accept fear hurts your ego.
One night Mulla Nasruddin began to leave the tavern early. His friends asked, “Where are you going?”
Mulla said, “I won’t be able to stay long tonight. My wife told me to come home before ten o’clock.”
His friends began to laugh. They said, “We have wives too. Why are you so afraid, Mulla? Are you a man or a mouse?”
The Mulla puffed out his chest and stood up. He beat his chest and said, “I am a real tough guy, a true he-man! Never say such a thing again.”
Then a friend asked him, “Show us the proof! If you are such a tough guy, show us the proof.”
The Mulla said, “Proof? The self-evident proof is that my wife is scared of mice and she is not afraid of me.”
No man ever wants to admit that he is frightened.
You ask: “Having managed to make it here for the meditation camp, why do I notice some discrimination?”
Because the discrimination is there. And the discrimination comes from your side; you are the one who sees it. The one who is not a sannyasin is shriveled up, on his own; he is timid and isolated. He is unable to open up, unable to relax, unable to connect. He is scared. He is afraid that if he mixes too much with the others here, if he drowns himself deeply, if he goes out beyond his limits and suddenly becomes a sannyasin, then what will happen to his house? his wife? the marketplace? his shop? the society…? So he moves very carefully. He keeps his cunning, his calculations; he goes this far – and no further. And he maintains his distance even with these drunken orange-colored people. He steps to one side. It is not safe to come too close to them because this disease is contagious. If you stay too long with these ochre-colored people, dreams for this ochre color will begin to arise in your mind too.