So something tremendously beautiful is happening, Gopal. Allow it. Yes, it is exactly so: when you are utterly disillusioned and you don’t create any more illusions – that is what I mean by utterly disillusioned…. Disillusionment comes many times in everybody’s life, but out of disillusion you again create new illusions. You cannot live without illusions; it has become a habit, a habit of many lives. You cannot live in the reality as it is, you want it to be something else – you are always wanting it to be something else – and reality has no obligation to anybody to change itself. And it is good that it doesn’t bother about your desires, otherwise there will be chaos because there are so many people desiring, projecting.
Reality remains as it is, utterly unaffected by what you desire. It never takes any notice of your desires. But once you are absolutely disillusioned – and by “absolute disillusionment” I mean you no longer create any more illusions, you simply remain with it – even if it is despair, you remain with it, you remain in it, you accept it. The moment you accept despair, it starts disappearing, because it can exist only as a shadow of hope; it cannot exist on its own. You cannot just be in despair without any illusion, that is impossible – it is as impossible as if there were just a shadow walking on the road. If you walk there will be a shadow, but the shadow cannot walk alone. Despair is a shadow of illusion. If you are utterly disillusioned, despair starts disappearing, and a new being, a fresh being, a resurrection, a celebration arises in you.
Aniruddha has written a question saying that when he came here he was thinking about me as vast, special, extraordinary. Now he says, “Living here with you for so many days, you appear ordinary, just as any other man. So what is the fuss all about?”
I have no obligation to fulfill your demands. I am just as I am, utterly ordinary. Reality is ordinary. The rose is a rose is a rose, the rock is a rock, the river is a river. Reality is absolutely ordinary, utterly ordinary. I am an ordinary man. Then what is the difference between you and me? The difference is: I celebrate my ordinariness, you don’t celebrate it. That is where the difference is. I welcome it, I am utterly blissful with it; you are not. I am a being, you are a becoming. There is the difference. Not that I am special and you are ordinary – that is utter nonsense. If I am special then everybody is special, if you are ordinary then I am ordinary. We belong to the same reality. I am utterly ordinary, but the difference is that I am celebrating it: I have no grudge, I have no complaint, I am not trying to become somebody that I am not. I have accepted myself in absoluteness – not even a single thing do I want to change. In this relaxation, in this acceptance, celebration has started happening to me.
Now Aniruddha says he is in a difficulty. He created his difficulty himself. I have never told anybody that I am special. That was your idea, your projection. And in fact, why was Aniruddha thinking that I am special? Deep down he wants to be special. Deep down he wants to be special, that’s why he stayed here, seeing that “Here is a special man, so there must be some secrets to being special. Learn from this man so you can also become special, so you are no longer ordinary.”