I am becoming aware more and more how much I focus on the other, whether it is a friend, a lover, a mountain, or music. One thing remains always the same: the other is a longing within me because without the other, I can never feel complete, reconciled. Osho, who is the other? Is it imaginary?
Surabhi, the other is one of the most significant questions to be solved in life. Millions of people with great intelligence have escaped from life, renounced life, just because they could not solve the problem of the other – and these were the giants of humanity.
Even in the twentieth century, a man like Jean Paul Sartre could say, “The other is hell.” This assertion is an acceptance of failure: you have not been able to solve the problem; now you are calling names – “the other is hell.” But who are you? – because for others, you are the other.
First see the real situation, because any solution that is going to work out has to arise out of the real. The other has become a problem – particularly, the more intimate the relationship is, the more problematic it is. The husband and wife, the children and the parents, the students and the teachers…wherever there are two wings, rather than having a beautiful flight under the stars, your wings are fighting with each other.
A man is a failure if he has not come to dissolve the other completely into himself or, in other words, dissolve himself into the other completely. But it has to be complete, entire, total…. If this is not the situation, then people are going to suffer in a hundred and one ways, because they are connected with so many others. And each “other” is a problem for the simple reason that everybody is trying to dominate everybody else.
We have been raised as politicians. We have been filled with ambitions, desires – to possess, to become powerful, to have as much money as you desire, as you dream of. These are the problems, not the other – the other only reflects your problems because he’s so intimate and close by.
The husband, if he is a human being, should stop calling himself a “husband.” A wife, if she understands, should stop calling herself a “wife.” More than friendship, you are bound to fall into a ditch; more than friendship, it becomes a bondage. Then both are fighting tooth and nail, directly and indirectly, with a single aim: to dominate the other, to reduce the other to the status of second. It is not possible. If it were possible, people would have solved the problem – although the solution would not have brought blessings. It would have stopped the continuous fight for monopoloy – although even if the fight stops, you will not be blissful. You will be almost dead, sad. At least before, there were excuses for your fight; now even those excuses are gone.