I am also talking to you, but still I would like to remind you to remember that my message is not in my words. You will have to step upon the words to get it. Use the words as a staircase, as stepping stones. Remember, stepping stones can become hindrances if you don’t know how to step over them.
You have to listen in silence to silence.
Mahasattva, Buddha has not said a single word, neither has Subhuti heard a single word. It is the compassion of Ananda to make a few maps for you. Those maps are not the countries. If you have a map of India, that map is not India, it cannot be. How can it be? But it can be of some limited help to you; it can lead you to the real India. It is like the arrow on the milestone by the side of the road, it points towards something.
This whole Diamond Sutra points towards silence. Hence so many contradictions in it, because only through contradictions can silence be created. Each word has to be contradicted by its opposite immediately it is uttered so that they destroy each other and in the wake, silence is felt.
The second question:
The deeper I fall into myself, the more alone I feel. There is only nothingness. And sometimes, looking into your eyes, I get the same feeling of a vast emptiness. If it is natural – if being alone is basic, the very essence of my being – then how could the illusive idea of becoming one, of falling in love with somebody eternally, come into being in the first place? And why is it so painful to become aware that it is an illusion? Please clear my doubts.
You are the doubter and you are the doubt. There is no other doubt. First, when you say, “The deeper I fall into myself, the more alone I feel,” if you have really been falling deeper you will feel aloneness but you will not feel “I am alone,” because then there are two things, I and aloneness. Then you are not alone. Then there is the experiencer and the experienced, the observer and the observed. Then you are not alone, the other is there – the experience is the other.
When you really fall deep into yourself, you will not find yourself; that is the whole thing to understand. It is only on the surface that the waves exist. If you go deeper into the ocean you will not find waves…or can you? How can you find waves in the depth? They exist only on the surface, they can exist only on the surface. They need winds to exist.