Why do you need to be a staunch Catholic? For what? You must be suffering from great doubts. If you don’t have any doubts you don’t have any beliefs either. Doubts are the diseases and beliefs are the medicines, but all beliefs are allopathic medicines – they repress, they are all poisons. All beliefs are poisonous. Yes, for the time being they can give you a feeling that now there is no problem, but soon the doubts will assert themselves; they will wait for the right time. They will explode with great urgency one day. They will erupt like a volcano, they will take revenge. Because you have repressed them they have gathered too much energy. One day, in some weak moment, when you are off guard, they will take revenge. Your so-called saints are all suffering from great doubts.
No, I cannot give you any conviction; I don’t trust convictions, beliefs. But, Ram, I can invite you to come along with me, I can help you to see. Why be convinced? There is no need.
I have seen and I can help you to see, and only your own seeing is going to be of any value. I have realized; I can help you to realize. I have traveled the path; I can take your hand in my hand, I can take you, slowly, slowly to the highest peak of meditative experience. Your own experience will be a real transformation; then doubts can never come back again. And when you have known, you will be surprised that all the poets who have been telling you that death is sleep, deep sleep, eternal sleep, have been telling you lies – consoling lies, beautiful lies, helpful lies, but lies are lies, and the help can only be momentary.
It is like when you are very worried, very tense and you turn to alcohol. Yes, for a few hours you will forget all your worries and all your tensions, but the alcohol cannot take your worries away forever; it cannot solve them. And while you are drowned in alcohol those worries are growing, becoming stronger; you are giving them time to grow. And when you are back the next morning with a hangover and a headache added to the worries, you will be surprised: they are bigger than when you had left them. Then it becomes a pattern of life, again and again you become intoxicated so you can forget – but again and again you have to face your life. This is not an intelligent way to live.
I am against all intoxicants, against all drugs. They don’t help; they only help you to postpone problems. I would like to really solve your problems. I have solved mine, and the problems are the same, more or less. I can bring you closer to me so you can feel my heart and you can see through my eyes and you can feel what has happened. And that feeling, that taste, will become a magnetic pull on you.
It is not a conviction, it is not a belief – it creates trust. And once trust is created the journey has started. I know, Ram, you need great help. I have looked into your eyes – just once you have been here and just once I have looked into your eyes – they look very sad. You must be carrying great anguish inside yourself.
On the outside you are a successful man, the topmost criminal advocate in this country. On the outside you are successful in every way – a member of the parliament, president of the lawyers association of India – but deep down I have seen, just a passing glimpse, that you are sitting on a volcano. I have seen great anguish in your eyes, great tears just waiting to flow from your eyes. You are not blissful in any way.