The older sannyasins of Buddha were given a little better space, a little more space as they were old, senior. This young man was the latest addition to the Buddha’s sangha – his order; he got the place at the outermost circumference, just on the porch where people used to put their shoes. He had to sleep there. A prince, sleeping on a porch where people put their shoes? He was very hurt.
In the night he could not sleep, for the same reasons that you suffer – mosquitoes! They are the ancientmost enemies of meditators. If you are not meditating they will not take any notice of you; once you start meditating, they suddenly become interested in you. The blood of a meditator has a certain sweetness.
There were mosquitoes and he was unable to sleep; and the caravanserai was so overcrowded, and people were coming and going the whole night – somebody was coming, somebody was leaving. How can you sleep on a porch? In the middle of the night he said, “This is stupid, this is just nonsense. I have not become a sannyasin for all this. I had a beautiful palace, every facility. Tomorrow morning I will say good-bye to Buddha.” In fact he wanted to leave at that very moment, but that would not be right. At least he had to say to Buddha, “I am finished.”
But before morning, Buddha came to him and said, “Now the time has come. I can answer your question. This has happened to you again and again: you have been initiated seven times, but you have always become so disturbed just for small things that you have gone away. You can go; this is your old habit. Because of this habit I was hesitant.”
He had brought Ananda with him and he said, “Look! What do you say now? This man wants to leave tomorrow morning.”
The young man had not said a single word. He fell at Buddha’s feet. He said, “How did you come to know this in the middle of the night?”
Buddha said, “That is not your business. That’s what makes me a master. In the morning if you want to go, you can go. But go with this awareness: that this is how you have been losing the track again and again.”
The young man never left. It was difficult – Buddha gave him many, many uncomfortable situations – but he was a man of integrity; he belonged to a very famous family, ancient, noble. He belonged to the warrior race. It was against his whole upbringing to leave Buddha. And now that Buddha had told him what the cause had been in the past, and as meditation deepened, he started remembering his past associations with other buddhas. Slowly, slowly he became aware that yes, for small things he had left buddhas; for such small things he had lost the way many times.
Yes, the pain is there, and it is not only for you; others will also pass through the pain. Many have passed through it, many will have to pass through it. Pass through it joyously. Keep your eye on the ecstasy. Don’t focus yourself on the pain; that is the wrong approach. Focus yourself on the ecstasy, and think that the pain is the price we pay for the ecstasy. Soon the pain will disappear, and the energy released from the pain will bring you to even higher realms of ecstasy; will bring you to greater altitudes of ecstasy. Be watchful.