The complication is that God is so vast that a narrow mind cannot grasp him. If a small word cannot be recalled how can God be remembered? And his name is not on the tongue, it is in the heart. It does not come to mind until suddenly, when you are doing nothing and the mind is relaxed, its gates all open. When the constriction of concentration is gone, you open and God enters.
But the irony is that the second happening can take place only after you have truly tried. Without that initial effort nothing happens, for the happening is the ultimate outcome of the initial effort and struggle. The intense effort ends in apparent failure; but when you give up, this effort slips into the subconscious mind and continues with the same intensity. Then, when you are relaxed, the thought wells up.
So trying is of two kinds: the conscious effort you put in does not lead to God. When you give up and accept defeat all the effort you had put in now penetrates every pore of your body. It spreads with every beat of your heart, in every breath that you take. It becomes a part of your being that you cannot lose. Do what you will, it has gone deep within you as an internal current, a flow in which the advent of God takes place. Scientists would say it has now become an effort of the unconscious.
The conscious mind is a very small segment compared to the unconscious. The ratio is one to nine. It is just like a piece of ice floating on the water; one-tenth is above water and nine-tenths is below.
When you try with your conscious mind you never profit. The imperceptible gain will occur only when your conscious effort reaches its last gasp and you are completely worn out; you will give up but the effort will continue in the unconscious. Though you give up the unconscious never gives up.
This means that the conscious effort gradually becomes the unconscious effort. When this happens the japa, repetition, becomes the unpronounced repetition, ajapa. Now you needn’t repeat the name consciously; it happens inside by itself. Wherever you are – running a shop, marketing, working in the office or even sleeping – the japa continues inside. Once the japa enters your unconscious, it permeates each atom of your being. You may not hear its music but it is sounding within you all right.
The conscious is useful inasmuch as it carries you up to the unconscious. One day the explosion takes place and suddenly you find God before you. Then you will feel that it is only his grace and compassion that have brought you so far. You had long since given up all effort and accepted defeat when suddenly the destination appeared; so it was not your effort. You had stopped traveling and the sacred place came before you. Since at that time you were making no effort, it is natural to feel that it is his grace.
Initially it is necessary to try your utmost through the conscious. Don’t think that since your effort yields no result you should not try – that, since it happens only through his compassion, it will happen when it is to happen, so why should we bother? Then it will never happen.