So don’t be so much concerned with what is essential and what is nonessential. It is not a quality of things that we can put into two different categories – this is essential and this is nonessential. Rather, it is the use that you make out of a certain thing which decides to what category it should belong.
When I give you a name it indicates towards the essential.
Man has lived only a partial life up to now. The worldly man lived a partial life: the worldly man lived the life of love. He was trying to figure out: What is this phenomenon “love” all about? With the wife, with the children, with the parents, with the friends, with the society – in every possible way he was trying to know what love is.
Consciously or unconsciously his whole effort was devoted to one thing: to know the joy that can happen between two persons in deep harmony.
Love is a harmony between two persons – two universes beating in the same rhythm, dancing hand in hand, melting, merging, becoming almost an organic unity. It is the way of the drunkard. You become drunk with the wine of the other, the other also becomes drunk with the wine of you. But it is only half the truth of your life. You start knowing more about the other and you completely forget yourself; love requires you to forget yourself and remember the other. The other becomes the focus – you fade away into deep darkness, you become secondary.
The people who live in this partial way are bound to be frustrated sooner or later, because no partial life can ever be a fulfillment. When they become frustrated…and the more intelligent someone is, the sooner he becomes frustrated because he can see that something is missing, something very essential is missing. You are missing. You are groping for the other not knowing at all who you are. And how can you find the other when you have not even found yourself? Hence you go on only stumbling with the other. You may call it love, but it is just groping. There is no insight, no clarity, no light; it is all dark.
And you are afraid of being alone so you seek the company of the other. It is out of fear that your so-called love arises – and love can never arise out of fear. It is pseudo. The partial is always pseudo, only the whole is true. Only the whole has meaning, never the part. The part has meaning only in context with the whole, but never separately.
So many intelligent people became frustrated: then they decided to move to the opposite extreme. That is the way of the mind – if you fail in one thing, the mind immediately suggests the polar opposite to you. And it appeals, it looks logical. If love has failed, if you have not been able to rejoice and dance and celebrate with the other, then the logical conclusion is that it is better to be alone, to move into solitude, to become a monk. The word monk literally means to be alone. It comes from a root; from the same root come words like monotony, monogamy, monopoly, monastery. It comes from the same root.