So a man used to go with a bell, all over the palace, announcing that nobody is to disturb Rabindranath. And all his brothers, his mother, father, grandfather, they were all concerned while he was inside his room – sometimes it would be three days, four days, and he had not eaten, he had not come out.
They asked him, “What is the matter? You can come out, you can eat, you can go back again. Nobody is going to prevent you, nobody is even going to ask you any question.”
Rabindranath said, “It is not a problem for me to come out. The problem is that when something is descending in me, if I leave the room just to take a shower or just to drink a cup of tea, the process stops. And it is not in my hands to start it again. Then I don’t know when it will start again; it is something falling upon me, falling through me. I am just a passage. I don’t want anybody to disturb me because I don’t want to disturb the process.” Every great poet, painter, singer, dancer has been aware of the fact that he has been great only in the moments when he has not been. It is not a contradiction.
The greatest dancer of this age was Nijinsky. He went mad because he was born in the West; in the East, he would have become a Gautam Buddha. In the West there was no background to explain what was happening to him, and it was a weird experience. While dancing – once in a while when he would forget himself completely, would become so much absorbed in the dance that there was only the dance and no dancer – he would jump so high that it was against gravitation. No scientist had any explanation. Man cannot jump that high, it is simply not possible.
And that was not the whole story. When he came back down… When anything is falling, the gravitation of the earth pulls it forcibly. But when Nijinsky came back down, he would come so slowly – just like a dead leaf falling from the tree, moving slowly, or like a feather. That was even more difficult to explain.
And when people asked him, “What do you do?” he said, “Whenever I try to do it, it never happens. Finally I give up, and then one day suddenly it happens – but it happens only when I am not, when I am not the doer. It is something of the beyond.”
So don’t be worried, if you are feeling silent, peaceful, loving. These are not the ways of the ego. The ego cannot feel silent, the ego cannot feel peaceful, the ego cannot feel loving. Your meditation has ripened. You have come to a maturity. Rejoice, and be grateful.
Existence is very compassionate. If we are ready to open our hearts without holding anything back, then immense treasures become available to us.
In the beginning such doubts may arise: “Perhaps it is ego.” Don’t give a place to such doubts. Remember, ego can create misery, ego can create anguish, ego can create hate, ego can create jealousy. Ego can never become a vehicle for the divine; it can never become the passage for the beyond.
Why do I always compromise?