Difficult! This is the death, the real death, out of which the resurrection…. This is the cross, the real cross. And everybody has to carry it daily, and not only to carry it daily, but dancingly – welcoming it, feeling a deep gratitude.
When you enter into this emptiness for the first time, you will feel that this is the same emptiness – naturally, because you have never known it before. Allow it, remain with it. That’s what I would like to say to you. Don’t try to think beyond it in any way. Be it. And suddenly the focus changes, the gestalt changes. The attention shifts and you look into it – and it is no longer loneliness, it is aloneness; it is no longer isolation, it is infinite presence. You have disappeared, and in that disappearance God has appeared.
God and you are just gestalts. If you are there, God remains hidden. When you disappear, he becomes manifest. When you come back again, he becomes hidden. Your very presence hides him; your presence functions as a cloud.
Enjoy it, allow it, love it. And remain more and more in it. Whenever you have time, don’t waste it anywhere. Close your eyes, be empty, and soon the beauty of it will be revealed to you. By and by you will have a taste of the new wine, absolutely new, because you have not known it before – although it has always been there but you have never contacted it before. It will intoxicate you, it will make you ecstatic. You will be transformed through it.
So don’t try to find a way out. There is no way out of it because it is all. You cannot go anywhere else. The only way out is for you to bring Humpty Dumpty back in. The only out is for the mind to start functioning again – in fear. You gather thoughts around, you make relationships; you go to the marketplace, you get lost in the crowd. Then you are not empty. You have missed. You have missed the door you have been seeking for lives.
The third question:
I feel empty. I cry. What is next?
This emptiness is negative. Otherwise you will not cry; you will laugh. This emptiness is like loneliness, not like aloneness. This emptiness is not a deep presence; it is simply absence. This emptiness is only death, and there is no resurrection in it.
That’s why the crying comes. You are filling your emptiness by crying, by tears. That is a trick of the mind. And that’s why the question arises: “What is next?” – because when you feel negatively empty, you want to fill it with something. You are hankering for something to happen: some relationship, some achievement, some lottery…something to happen. “What next?”