Of course, the relief is bound to be momentary because you are a constant source of energies. They will be coming again. You are a flow; you are a flow of vital forces. They will come up again. They will come up in you again and you will have to get rid of them again.
So whatsoever is known as pleasure ordinarily is just the pleasure of throwing off conflicting energies. Pleasure means relief – you are relieved of a burden. So pleasure is always negative, it is never positive. Bliss is positive. It comes only when your energies are fulfilled.
When your energies are not thrown out but have a flowering inward, when you become one with your energies and are not in conflict with them, then there is a movement inward. That movement is endless because there is no end to inwardness. It goes on, deeper and deeper, and the deeper it goes, the more blissful it becomes, the more ecstatic.
So energies can have two possibilities. One is just of relief, just throwing energies which have become burdensome to you into fragments – which you could not utilize, with which you could not be creative, with which you could not be one and organic, so you have to throw them. This is “anti-kundalini,” a state of mind.
The ordinary state of human beings is anti-kundalini. It is just like forces going from the center toward the periphery – the movement is periphery-oriented. Kundalini means just the contrary. It is center-oriented – forces coming from the periphery to the center.
The center is not the end. The center is as infinite as the periphery. If you throw your energies outward they will go on and on, outward and outward, and there is no end to the space. If energies are directed inward then, too, there is no end. But the movement inward – the center-oriented movement – is blissful. The outward movement is both, it is both. Momentarily it gives happiness and permanently, misery. It will be a permanent misery. Only in gaps…and that too not actually, but only when you hope, you expect, is the gap. The actual result is always misery.
In expectation, in hoping, in waiting, in desiring, in dreaming, is the moment of happiness. And when you are actually relieved of your burden, the state of the mind is totally negative. There is no happiness as such, but only absence of misery for a moment. That absence is taken as happiness.
Other energies will be coming to the periphery because the moment is always there. You are toward the periphery; other energies will be coming there. And you are creating your own enemy; you are constantly creating new energies. That’s what is meant by “life”: the ability to go on creating life force. The moment the capacity is gone, you are dead. So you are a constant dilemma, a constant creative force. But this is the paradox: you go on creating energy and you don’t know what to do with it. When it is created you throw it off; when it is not created you feel miserable, you feel ill.