The man had been drinking for thirty years and destroying his health, and knew it. But he could not stop it because the wife had been against it. I told the wife, “You drop fighting. You simply allow him; not only allow him, you do whatsoever he wants. Help him drink. When he comes home, ask him ‘Would you like to have some drink?’ “
She said, “What are you saying? Thirty years I have tried, and he has not stopped! Now I am to help him to drink?”
I said, “You just try. Maybe it is you who have prevented him. He could have stopped, because I know him. He loves me, he comes to me, and he says to me and he cries; he says, ‘I know that this is wrong. I am destroying myself, my family, everything.’ “
And the wife said, “I know too that he loves you, because whenever he is too drunk he simply talks like you. But it is too much! In the night at two o’clock he will start delivering a sermon. And for exactly ninety minutes! And he repeats it word for word.”
But the wife listened to me and stopped saying to the man…. It was hard for her, because she had also been, for thirty years, in the old habit of nagging. The husband was puzzled. He could not believe that the wife was bringing alcohol for him, serving it. He came to me after one week. He said, “What have you done to my wife? It is strange, but suddenly I am feeling that now the time has come to drop it.”
The male ego…. You are against smoking and your husband will smoke. You are against this and he will do that. He has to protect himself. He’s so afraid of you – that if he does not protect, you will eat him, you will absorb him. He’s afraid because he knows you have the capacity to absorb him. Once, he had lived in a woman’s womb, and he’s very afraid. Somehow he has escaped from the clutches of the mother who was saying, “Do this, don’t do that. Be like this, don’t be like that.” Somehow he has escaped. And I say “somehow” because nobody really ever escapes from the mother, very rarely. When you escape you become enlightened. The mother goes on following, and then you find a wife, and the wife starts mothering you. And he becomes afraid that now again the same thing is beginning, and the wife starts nagging, “Don’t do this, do that.” And she starts guiding – about small things, about great things, about everything – and she does it out of love! That love is not suspected, but one loves one’s freedom too.
You ask me,
What about wanting my beloved to become a sannyasin?