Drop uneasiness. Even if it is there, don’t be too impressed by it. Let it be there, watch, and that too will go. Soon uneasiness will disappear. It is just there because of the old habit of certainty. You don’t know how to live in an uncertain universe. You don’t know how to live in insecurity. The uneasiness is there because of the old security. It is just because of the old habit, a hang over. It will go. One just has to wait, watch, relax, and feel happy that something has happened. And I tell you, it is a good indication. Many have returned back from that point just to feel comfortable again, at ease, at home. They have missed. They were just coming nearer the goal, and they turned back. Don’t do that; go ahead. Uncertainty is good, nothing is wrong with it. You have only to be tuned, that’s all.
You are tuned with the certain universe of the ego, the secure universe of the ego. Howsoever false on the surface, everything seems to be perfectly as it should be. You need a little tuning with the uncertain existence.
Existence is uncertain, insecure, dangerous. lt is flux – things moving, changing. It is a strange world; get acquainted with it. Have a little courage and don’t look backwards, look forward; and soon the uncertainty itself will become beautiful, the insecurity itself will become beautiful.
In fact, only insecurity is beautiful, because insecurity is life. Security is ugly, it is a part of death – that’s why it is secure. To live without guidelines is the only way to live. When you live with guidelines, you live a false life. Ideal guidelines, disciplines – you force something on your life, you mold your life. You don’t allow it to be, you try to make something out of it. Guidelines are violent and all ideals are ugly. Through them you will miss yourself. You will never attain to your being.
Becoming is not being. All becoming, and all effort to become something, will force something on you. It is a violent effort. You may become a saint, but in your saintliness there will be ugliness. I tell you, and I emphasize it: to live life without any guidelines is the only saintliness possible. Even then, you may become a sinner; but in your sinner, in your being a sinner, there will be a holiness, a saintliness.
Life is holy; you need not force anything upon it, you need not mold it, you need not give it a pattern, a discipline and an order. Life has its own order, it has its own discipline. You simply move with it, you float with it, you don’t try to push the river. The river is flowing – you become one with it and the river takes you to the ocean. This is the life of a sannyasin: a life of happening, not of doing. Then your being reaches, by and by, above the clouds, beyond the clouds and conflicts. Suddenly, you are free. In the disorder of life you find a new order. But the quality of the order is totally different now. It is nothing imposed by you, it is intrinsic to life itself.
Trees also have an order, rivers, mountains, but those are not orders imposed by moralists, puritans, priests. They don’t go to somebody to find the guidelines. Order is intrinsic; it is in life itself. Once the ego is not there to manipulate, to push and pull here and there – “Do this and that” – when you are completely freed from the ego, a discipline comes to you, an inner discipline. It is unmotivated. It is not seeking something, it simply happens: as you breathe, as when you feel hungry and you eat, as when you feel sleepy and you go to bed. It is an inner order, an intrinsic order; that will come when you become tuned with insecurity, when you become tuned with your strangeness, when you become tuned with your unknown being.