You always said to us that we should rejoice in being alive, but deep in myself I found a very strong will to die – not that I want to commit suicide, but to die naturally.
Somehow I know that by dying I might find that which I really enjoy, which is silence. I can say that I am utterly bored and fed up with this ugly world. There is nothing that makes me feel attracted to do anything other than being with you.
Osho, what’s wrong with me?
Nothing is wrong with you. Everything is wrong with the world. It is only the retarded people who don’t feel bored. You are intelligent. You can see that there is nothing meaningful. Life is a drag, a repetition. There seems to be no adventure in it, no challenge; there seems to be no hope. Tomorrow will be again the same as yesterday.
It is the prerogative only of human beings to get bored; no other animal gets bored in existence. Have you seen any animal in existence being bored? Boredom is a high quality of intelligence. It means you are perceptive; you can see that there is nothing but – finally – death. Empty handed you have come and one day empty handed you will leave, and all that happens in between birth and death is simply tedious. So I cannot say there is anything wrong with you.
Every intelligent person thinks that perhaps what is not available in life may be available in death. Psychologists have found that almost every intelligent person at least once in his life thinks of committing suicide – he may not commit it, but the idea comes. Particularly in this century, the greatest philosophers: Jean-Paul Sartre, Jaspers, Martin Heidegger, Soren Kierkegaard, Marcel… Almost all the topmost thinkers of the contemporary world are agreed on one thing – they don’t agree on many things, but on one thing they are all in absolute agreement – that life is meaningless. And if this is so, then the question naturally arises, why go on living? If there is no meaning, no significance, then what is the need to be dragged from the cradle to the grave unnecessarily? This is the only contemporary philosophy: existentialism.
There have been many philosophies born in different ages, but in this age there has been only one philosophy and that is existentialism. And its basic ground is so strange that one feels that all these people are mad. If they are not mad, then we are mad – there is no other alternative.
The whole philosophical movement called existentialism talks about life as meaningless, accidental, there is no purpose behind it; it is full of anxiety and anguish – which are incurable. It is a nightmare. This is such a contrast.
Gautam Buddha, Lao Tzu, Nagarjuna and Bodhidharma – they talk of blissfulness, of tremendous possibilities of ecstasy, of growing into new dimensions of being. What has happened? Why this diametrical opposition?