Was there a vision?
No, there is no question of vision. Vision is always objective, of something else. It was an experiencing. Not even an experience, but experiencing. I was full of it. I was it. And since then, not for a single moment have I been otherwise. It was not something that happened and disappeared. It was a transformation. It has remained with me.
Did you know as a child, for example, that you would become “the enlightened one”?
No. I never knew, not even for a single moment before. But I was searching from my very childhood. I was seeking and trying in every possible way not to be influenced by any religion, by any ideology; because if I already have a faith, am already believing, the search stops. The inquirer has to be very alert and aware that no belief enters into his being. He has to remain open and agnostic, knowing perfectly well that he does not know. From that space of not knowing, the search, the seeking, arises. But who can say when it is going to be fulfilled? It is unpredictable.
Do you consider yourself a god?
My God! There is no God, so how can I consider myself a god? God is the greatest lie invented by man.
Because man feels so helpless, so afraid of death, so burdened with life’s problems. Because he has been raised by a father, by a mother, and those were the beautiful days; no responsibility, no worry, somebody was taking care of him. That psychological childhood is projected into all the religions: God becomes the father. And there are a few religions in which God becomes the mother. It is a simple psychological projection of a child. It has no basis in reality.
And whenever you are afraid, whenever you are in trouble, you start seeking help. No help ever comes. Even Jesus on the cross was waiting for the help to come, and finally got disappointed and shouted, “Father, have you forsaken me?” A great doubt must have arisen in him, a great question. Nothing is happening, and he was believing all these years that God would come to save him, his only begotten son. Nobody came. Jesus Christ must have died in utter disillusionment. I don’t have any illusion, I cannot be disillusioned.