In the center there is something that is non-changing. But that is in the center. When you move inward, you move into a changing world, into a flux, a dreamy world where everything is constantly changing. If you can pass through this changing world of dreams, words, thoughts, past memories, future projections – where everything is changing, fluid, flux-like – if you can pass through it, then one day you can come to the center.
But to pass this space of flux is the problem. Even those who have known it cannot describe what it is. It is dangerous because you cannot control it. You can control only the surface of the mind, just the surface. Even that is not totally controllable, but you can manage somehow; you can at least create a pretension, a facade that you are in control. The more you move inwardly, the more uncontrollable forces are encountered.
The more inwardly you move, the more you encounter contradictory forces. On the surface you may feel loving toward someone; deep down, you also hate him or her. You are never aware of this fact on the surface. You think that you love your child, you love your mother, you love your friend, your wife or your husband. This is only one aspect of the coin. The other side of the coin, the opposite side, is hidden right behind it. That’s why lovers can become hateful at any moment. Only lovers can hate intensely. The more intense the love, the more intense the hate will be. It is just the other side.
You live in a false world of non-contradictions. You think “I love someone so how can I hate him?” We have made a division: “I hate someone – how can I love him?” or “I love someone – how can I hate him?” This is not true, and if you move inward you will come to know that you love the same person you hate, and you hate the same person you love. You are contradictory, the whole of existence is contradictory. And because of this contradiction there is much anguish, much anxiety, much deep guilt.
The more inwardly you move, the more your facade, your face, your so-called personality is disturbed. Your ego is shattered. Then you cannot say “I am this and I am not that.” You are both: simultaneously both sinner and saint. Then it is difficult, things become unmanageable. You cannot even manage to maintain your identity, who you are. The old identity, the image, is broken because the contradictory forces are let loose.
That’s why we are afraid to go in. It is dangerous, but worth trying, because nothing is achieved without danger.
If you enter the inner space, you will not only encounter life, you will also encounter death because it is the polar opposite. Just as hate goes with love, death and life go together. You think that you are alive, but you never think that you are also death. You think that death is going to happen to you somewhere in the future – that you are alive and death is something that is going to happen to you, just like an accident, or like something from the outside.
That’s absolutely wrong. Death is not going to happen to you from the outside. Death is growing within you, it is part of you. You are not only life, you are also death. Death is not an accident, it is a growth. You are growing in death just as you are growing in life. They are both parts of you.