You have a certain type of mind; for that mind a certain type of man or woman looks appealing. And you will find him or her again and again – unless you change.
You ask: How can one go deep with a person when he is afraid?
Why did you choose this man? You can choose the dangerous kind – if you want to go really deep.
And everybody is afraid of going deep – because in depth is death, because every depth relaxes you so much that it looks like death. Every depth takes you out of the ego. That’s why people are afraid of love. They hanker for relationship, but they are afraid of love.
And a love which is open-ended creates more fear – because one never knows where it is going to land you. To remain open-ended, to remain in love without creating a relationship, takes real courage. And if you have that courage, love will come in a thousand and one ways, will sing a thousand and one songs in your heart, will dance in a thousand and one ways in your being.
The last question:
Why can’t I follow someone who knows? What is the need to search for truth myself?
How are you going to know that the other knows? It will be just a belief. How are you going to know that the other has known the truth? You don’t have any experience. The other may be deceiving – or may himself be deceived. The other may be mad or may be cunning. How are you going to decide that the other has really known? There is no way.
Out of fear you can follow the other, but you will be following blindly. And who knows? The one you are following may be blind himself; he may be following somebody else. That’s how things are. That’s how priests go on following each other. Nobody knows when the man with the eyes was there.
For example, Jesus was the man with eyes, but then the Christian priests during these two thousand years have been following each other…a long line of blind people. The blind leading the blind.
You ask: “Why can’t I follow someone who knows?”
And even if someone knows for the argument’s sake, let us accept that someone knows even then he cannot transfer his truth to you. He can only indicate the way; you will have to go on the way. He can only give you a prescription; you will have to follow the prescription, you will have to do things.
Truth cannot be transferred – you will have to arrive at it on your own.
“What is the need to search for truth myself?”