When I became aware of all these things she simply escaped from the commune, leaving all the problems which she had created, and taking all those twenty people who were in charge of different departments. The day she left there was only food for one day in the commune, for five thousand people. Usually the routine was that food should be available for three months ahead.
She had created the commune; she could not bear to see it in somebody else’s hands. If she could not be in power…and it was all in her mind. There was nobody who was going to take her place.
I had no idea to replace her. I had certain ideas that things that she was doing should not be done. If you cannot trust your own people and you have to bug two hundred houses, then whom are you going to trust? If you have to tap everybody’s phone, then it has become almost a fascist state.
I was going to tell her to remove all these bugs, all these tappings; I was not going to replace her. She was capable, and there was nobody else who was more capable than she was.
But in her own fear, because I had come to know all these things and now she had no answer – what answer could she give to me, why she had bugged my room? – she escaped with twenty people who were in charge of different departments, so that the commune would collapse: “If I cannot be in power, then nobody can be in power; the commune cannot exist.” Man’s mind is such.
Then she started writing and giving press releases, press interviews in Europe, saying things which were absolutely absurd. But she had to justify why she had left. And after she had been sentenced to four and a half years imprisonment, the first thing she said was, “In this jail I feel better than I did in the jail of Osho’s commune.”
She was the whole, sole power. I simply used to come for one hour to talk to people. I had no idea how much money she had put into Swiss banks – she had never seen so much money: two hundred million dollars we had put into the commune. It was her secretary, who did not go with her, who said that she had been keeping at least thirty to forty million dollars in a secret account, in her own name, in Switzerland; and the money belongs to the commune.
Still I was not going to replace her. I was just going to change her ways, tell her, “This commune is a commune of love, of trust, of friendliness, and you are taking advantage because I cannot look after small matters – money, and food, and land, and banks – you have to take care of.”
Neither here do I know anything about how you have to manage. I know this much: that you love me and you will manage in a loving way.
But to justify herself – because people started asking, “Why have you left the commune?” – she had to find fault with me, to justify why she had left the commune.
So, Patipada, it is better to be fully conscious and let your gratitude be towards existence. Leave me aside – because I know any moment, any small thing may create a situation where you have to justify yourself. And to justify yourself you will have to invent lies against me.