There is some very subtle psychological background to it. Gautam Buddha was betrayed by one of his cousin-brothers, Mahavira was betrayed by his son-in-law. And in both cases the situation is the same as with Judas. Because they were so close, they naturally hoped – without being conscious of it – that they were going to be successors.
Now, nobody can be a successor in enlightenment. It is not a treasure of this world, you cannot inherit it. You cannot become enlightened just because your father was enlightened. You cannot become enlightened just because you are very close to somebody who is enlightened. The distance of one foot or the distance of one mile or the distance of one light-year makes no difference. Distance is distance.
I insist on this so that you will not miss. I do understand your love, your gratitude, your deep commitment. You are asking, “Can one really miss you?” It should not be so. One should not miss; there is no reason at all. But man is so unconscious that he does not function reasonably. He functions irrationally. He functions without any understanding of his own actions, intentions, hidden desires, ambitions.
You are saying, “When love and this incredible pull are there, can one really go astray?” One should not go astray if one is conscious, but the possibility cannot be denied. You have to forgive me, the possibility cannot be denied. The closer you come to a master, the more you are lost, the more you are dissolved. In the fear of dissolution, the fear of your personality being lost, you may start backing off.
You have to understand that this fear is there. Even the moth that is magnetically attracted towards a flame does not go directly into the flame. I have been watching moths – strangely enough, they never go directly into the flame. They first go round and round, perhaps hesitating, perhaps having another thought, perhaps taking time, a little more time before they take the jump. Because the jump into the flame is going to be their death on one plane. And the other plane on which they will be reborn is not yet – there is no guarantee about it.
Only your trust is the guarantee, your love is the guarantee. Other than that, you don’t have any solid foundation. You are taking a jump like a gambler.
And the ultimate is available only to the gamblers, not to the businessmen who are continuously counting pros and cons, whether this will be profitable or this will be a loss. These people will go on counting for millions of lives. They may come across a Gautam Buddha, a Jesus or a Socrates, but seventy or eighty years are not enough for them to come to a conclusion. Only a gambler, in a single moment, can take the jump.
I hope you will be able to take the jump. Nobody can prevent you except yourself. You have asked a very significant question, a question that implies the very quantum leap of the disciple to the devotee, the quantum leap from personality to individuality, from a dewdrop to the ocean.