But once the child is born, the umbilical cord is cut and he starts breathing on his own, suddenly his whole being becomes a quest to know who he is. It is natural. Now he starts becoming aware of his boundaries – his body, his needs. Sometimes he is happy, sometimes unhappy, sometimes he is fulfilled, sometimes not fulfilled; sometimes he is hungry and crying and there is no sign of mother anywhere; sometimes he is on the mother’s breast, again enjoying oneness with the mother. But now there are many moods and many climates, and he will start, by and by, to feel the separation. A divorce has happened; the marriage is broken.
He was absolutely married to the mother; now he will always be separate. And he has to find out who he is. And the whole life one goes on trying to find out who one is. This is the most fundamental question.
First the child becomes aware of “mine,” then of “me,” then of “you,” then of “I.” This is how it proceeds. This is precisely the procedure, exactly in this order. First he becomes aware of “mine.” Watch it, because this is your construction, the structure of your ego. First the child becomes aware of “mine” – this toy is mine, this mother is mine. He starts possessing. The possessor enters first; possessiveness is very basic. Hence all the religions say: Become nonpossessive – because with possession starts the hell. Watch small children: very jealous, possessive, each child trying to snatch everything from everybody else and trying to protect his own toys. And you will see children that are very violent, almost indifferent to others’ needs. If a child is playing with his toy and another child comes you can see an Adolf Hitler, a Genghis Khan, a Nadirshah. He will cling to his toy; he is ready to hit, he is ready to fight. It is a question of territory, a question of domination. Possessiveness enters first; that is the basic poison. And the child starts saying, “This is mine.”
Now look – nothing can be “mine” in reality, in truth. We come empty-handed, we go empty-handed. This whole business of “mine” and “thine” is just a dream. But once the child says, “This is mine,” now he is entering into a maladjustment with reality. So you will find that the more you have this idea of “mine,” the more you will be miserable, the more you will suffer. Everywhere: “This house is mine; this woman is mine; this man is mine,” and everywhere you immediately claim and possess…and misery enters.
Two persons are in love. If it is just a beginning the “mine” has not started – because if “mine” has not started, the mind has not started. Once the “mine” starts, the ego is on the way. The ego is the crystallized “mine.” And once the “mine” starts, love is lost. Love is beautiful only when there is no “mine.” But it enters immediately, because that has become our very structure. That is our foundation in this world. We are wrongly based.
I have heard…
This playboy was six and he was playing with the girl next door who was five.
“Want to wrestle?” he asked.
She said, “I can’t wrestle. I am a girl.”
He continued, “Want to play ball?”
She replied, “I can’t play ball. I am a girl.”
Finally he said, “Okay, wanna play house?”
She said, “All right. I will be the father.”