Don’t hesitate. Take the jump. It is a jump, because you cannot come to it through thinking. It is a jump because it is not a conclusion of your mind. To others it will look like madness – in fact all love is mad and all love is blind, at least to those who don’t know what love is. To unlovers love is blind; to lovers, love is the only possible eye which can see to the very core of existence. To those who don’t know the taste of religion, sannyas is madness; but to those who know, everything else is madness except sannyas. This is entering into sanity. I don’t see anything saner than laughter, saner than love, saner than celebration.
But you are still thinking in serious terms: initiation is a great word. You are still obsessed with your old ideas, still afraid that you may start trying too hard. In fact, you are still trying.
First I had suggested to you not to try too hard. Now you are trying too hard on the opposite end, on the polar opposite: trying too hard not to try hard! It is the same thing. Become a sannyasin and forget all this nonsense. Then one transcends both trying and non-trying. A great laughter is waiting for you. And the moment the beyond starts laughing inside you, giggling inside you, then you know for the first time what it means to be a christ, what it means to be a buddha.
But Christians say Christ never laughed – this is their idea about Christ. This is not true about the real Christ – I know the man! It is impossible to conceive that he never laughed. He enjoyed good food, you know, both dining and wining; he enjoyed beautiful company. And if you want beautiful company you have to find it not in the scholars but in the gamblers; if you really want good company you will have to move to those who live on the fringes of your so-called society – the fringe people, the outsiders, the gamblers, the drunkards, the prostitutes – because your society has become so dull and dead. The established society is almost a cemetery; you don’t meet people there, you meet only dead bodies, corpses – walking, talking, moving, doing things… It is a miracle!
One day a small boy asked me, “Do you believe in ghosts?”
I said, “Believe? – I am surrounded by ghosts!”
He understood the point immediately. He said, “So… So you mean the people in the streets and the market are all ghosts?”
I said, “Yes, they are all ghosts. They are all living a post-mortem existence. They have died long ago. In fact, they died before they were ever born.”
The society kills and kills slowly, skillfully. You never become aware because it is done so slowly, that’s why. A child is slowly poisoned.