How is it possible that you love us so much? Is it possible that you mean me, too? When I allow myself to feel your love, to let myself be loved by you, there is so much pain and so much gratitude that I cannot say it. Thank you, Osho. Suddenly I see that there has been this fear my whole life not to be part of it, not to belong, not to be in your family. Is it possible that I am already in it?
I do not love you, I am simply love. One loves when one is not love himself. Then love is only a passing moment; it comes and goes.
The day you realize yourself, your very being becomes love. It is no longer a relationship, it is no longer addressed to anyone in particular; it is simply overflowing in all directions and all dimensions. And it is not something on my part, that I am doing it. Love cannot be done. And the love that is done is false; it is only pretension.
You are asking me, “How is it possible that you love us so much?” I am simply helpless, I cannot do otherwise. It is just my heartbeat, my love is my life; nobody is excluded from it. It is so comprehensive that it can contain the whole universe…you too.
You are saying, “When I allow myself to feel your love, to let myself be loved by you, there is so much pain and so much gratitude that I cannot say it.”
Perhaps you are not aware of many aspects of love. One is that when too much love descends upon you, its very intensity appears like pain. You must have heard, once in a while it happens that just out of sheer joy somebody dies of heart failure. The joy was too much and his heart was too small.
I will tell you a story:
A very poor man had made it a habit to purchase, every month, one ticket for the lottery. He had been doing that for almost twenty years.
In the beginning the family, the friends, used to ask him, “Why are you wasting your money? You earned just one rupee with so much hard labor, changing your blood into perspiration. You go on wasting every month one rupee, and you have not won any lottery.” But slowly, slowly they dropped advising him; it had become almost a routine habit. In the beginning he used to think that some day the lottery would come up in his name, but by and by he even forgot that too. Just like a robot, the first day of the month would come and he would purchase a ticket.
And one day it happened, the lottery came up in his name for twenty-five lakh rupees. He was not at home. The wife became very much afraid when she received the message that the lottery had come up in her husband’s name. She was a Christian – she ran to the church. She was afraid; “This is too much. He has not seen even twenty-five rupees together…twenty-five lakhs! He is sure to die just out of too much happiness. So I should pray to God, and also I should ask the priest some way to save his life. Poverty has not been able to kill him, but this richness will kill him immediately.”