I have been going around in a circle, and feel in some ways I have completed the circle, but in other ways I am stuck on the circumference.
Do you have any program, or some point of meditation, or point of enabling one to come to meditation, that you suggest at the beginning?
Meditation is not only a method; it is not simply a technique. You cannot learn it. It is a growth – a growth of your total living, out of your total living. Meditation is not something which can be added to you as you are. It cannot be added to you; it can come out of you through a basic transformation, through a mutation.
Ordinarily meditation is understood as a technique which can be added to a person. To me it is not so. As you are, meditation cannot be added to you. Meditation is a flowering, it is a growth. And growth is always out of the total. It is not an addition; just like love, it cannot be added to you. It is a growth out of you, of your totality. So you can grow toward meditation.
So first, this total flowering of personality must be understood correctly. Otherwise one can play with mental tricks and there are so many. For some time you will be befooled by the tricks. But it’s not only that you are befooled. In a real sense, not only do you not gain anything out of it, you are harmed also, because the very attitude – to think of meditation in terms of method – is basically wrong. And when one begins to play with mental tricks, the quality of the mind deteriorates. As mind exists, it is not meditative. So the total mind must change before meditation can come in. What is the mind as it is? How does it function?
It functions anti-meditatively.
First, the mind is always verbalizing. It is verbal, and the verbalizing is taken as thinking. It is not. You can know words, you can know language, you can know the conceptual structure of thinking, but it is not thinking. On the contrary, it is to escape from thinking. You see a flower and you verbalize it; you see a man passing and you verbalize it. Every situation is verbalized. The mind has become only a verbalizing mechanism. It can translate every existential thing into a word – everything is being transformed constantly into words. These words create a barrier, these words become the imprisonment. These words – this constant flow, transformation of things into words, of existence into words – is the barrier, is the obstacle toward the meditative mind.
So the first requirement toward meditative growth is to be aware of this constant verbalizing and to be able to stop it. Just see things; don’t verbalize. Be aware of their presence but don’t change them into words. Live with things without language; with people without language; with situations without language. This is not impossible. This is natural and possible. Every situation is artificial, a created situation, and we have become so mechanically habituated to it that we are never aware of the transformation of the translation.