This man must have found something which was more valuable, because that is the only way you can drop things. Whenever you find a higher value, the lower drops. Whenever you find a more blissful way of living, the miserable way of living drops. If it doesn’t drop, it simply shows that you have not found it yet, that’s all.
So forget about your profession, your world there. Be here with me so totally that you can taste something of the natural, the spontaneous. Then when you go back nothing can destroy it. You may throw everything else, but that you cannot throw.
Once you know what freedom is then no prison can allure you, however decorated. So just be natural here. Good!
My energy tends to be always negative and the positive side is never strong enough to come up. The ego is so strong here (pointing to his head).
It is not strong enough, and you have not suffered enough. You need a little more misery. This is the point to understand: if something creates misery one never carries it. You are still enjoying it. You are saying these things – that it is negative and ugly, and your energy is lost – but deep down you are still enjoying it. Otherwise who is forcing you? There is nobody!
If you feel so miserable, get out of it! And don’t say that it has become a deep-rooted habit. There is no question of habit. If the house is on fire, you simply run out. You don’t say that you have lived in this house for thirty years and it has become such a deep-rooted habit that you can’t go out. If you say that, it simply shows that you are not aware that the house has caught fire. You may have heard the rumor, but you cannot see. And you are not true enough to yourself so you accept the word of someone else.
My suggestion is that you don’t try to get out of it, please, until you see the fire. Nothing is wrong in it, enjoy it! When you are doing negative things, enjoy it. When you are really in hell, then any day you will jump out of it. So if you ask me my advice, I will say go deeper into your hell – and go happily. Enjoy it and do it consciously. That is all that my teaching is – to do it consciously. Don’t think that you are something wrong – that is creating a division in you. What is wrong in it? Enjoy it.
Hurting other people?
But you are enjoying hurting others, so hurt. If they want to hurt you they will; that is for them to decide. Simply enjoy it. And you are enjoying it. Whether I say so or not is not the point, because unless you enjoy a certain thing you cannot continue it. There is no question of habit or anything.