This is a beautiful story. This is how it happens. Don’t look at happiness too long, otherwise the white flour will drop and suddenly you will say: There is a grey mouse! Avoid! Let the white mouse dance behind you! Don’t look too hard and don’t look too long. Because in life good and bad are not two things. The day turns into night, the night turns into day again. It is a circle, moving like a wheel of a cart: the same spokes come again and again to the top, and go down.
If you ask me whether I am happy or unhappy, I cannot answer you in those terms. Those terms are irrelevant. At the most I can only say: I am. And that “I amness” is totally ecstatic. But there is no ecstasy as such. It is not an experience. It is my way of being at this moment. It is not something happening to me, it is the very nature. When you come to yourself, when you return back home – when you enter into your own innermost core of being – it is not that something new happens to you. It has been happening always; for the first time you realize it.
The realization may be new but the fact is very ancient, as ancient as the world, as ancient as the gods. It has been there from the very beginning. But you are too much concerned with pain and pleasure in the outer world, your whole consciousness is moving outward.
Close the doors, close the windows, settle within – and suddenly one day you start laughing, one day you start smiling at the fact that you were seeking something that was already there.
I was reading a Christian missionary’s life story. He had come newly to an Eastern town. The bungalow and the church were outside the town. There were only two bungalows, he occupied one – and from the very first day, in the morning when he looked around, just to be acquainted with the territory and the place, he became interested in the other neighboring bungalow. It looked beautiful. The trees were very green, and there were many flowers. He went around it, he wanted to know to whom the bungalow belonged, and he wanted to become acquainted, to be introduced, but he found no one there. He controlled his curiosity, but every day the curiosity grew more and more.
One day he could not contain himself – it must have been after he had been there one month – he entered the garden, went to the main door, but it was locked. He went around the house, he couldn’t see any sign of anybody there, it was absolutely empty and silent. He became a little apprehensive – what was the matter? Then he came out again. On the gate he had just missed one thing, just on the gate there was a small notice: ‘Key next door.’ But he was surprised because next door was his own home! There was no other house, only two houses.
He came back, he inquired, his wife said: “Yes, the key is here, why didn’t you ask me? The day we came somebody came and said, Keep this key. I am going away for a few months. I will be coming back soon but my son has gone to the war and he may return meanwhile, and he may like to stay for a few days and rest, so keep this key.” The key was in the house.