You will not have seen any kitchen where a doctor is sitting and weighing calories of everything. They are very miserly; they don’t allow me more than three thousand calories per day. And I have to speak five hours, just on three thousand calories!

But they love me, and they don’t want me to leave my body before my people are ready.

I may have died without Vivek, Devaraj, Devageet, anytime. They have taken every care to keep me alive as long as possible.

Now Sheela is gone and the whole gang is gone. Things were repressed out of fear. People who knew could not say, because saying meant they would be thrown out of the commune, and they did not want to leave me. Just to be with me they had to carry wounds in their hearts.

One sannyasin came immensely happy and told Vivek that there was a meeting a few months before…. Vivek, Devaraj and Devageet – all three should be killed by slow poisoning. And she could not understand, so she left the meeting. So she does not know what decision they came to.

But they must have decided to, because Vivek got one dose of slow poison and her heartbeat went absolutely berserk. It took three hours for doctors, medicine, to bring her heartbeat back to normal. This has never happened before. She had taken only one cup of tea at Jesus Grove, and immediately this happened.

In the meeting here, in the last ceremony, Devaraj was injected with poison. He is a doctor, has the highest qualifications from Britain. He immediately understood what had been done. He felt the prick. It happened when Shanti B. was by the side of him, telling him something, one hand on his shoulder, another hand near his body on the floor.

He immediately started saying that he had been poisoned, he had been injected. Nobody could believe it, but his situation was…he became pale as if he was dying. He had to be sent to Bend Hospital.

Hasya was there to take care of him. The doctors who were looking after him told Hasya that there seemed to be no reason for his sudden sickness, except that some poisoning had been done. They also said that the same case had happened with the attorney of Jefferson County last year, and they suspect it was exactly the same case of poisoning.

Now this gang was making it instead of a meditation camp, a concentration camp. And why did these three people have to be removed, to be killed? Just because they were close to me.

Sheela never wanted anybody to be close to me, for a simple reason: so I am never able to know what she is doing outside, what she is saying outside, in my name.