The first question:
There is deep in me a yearning for the permanency of love. Is that stupid?
Love can exist in two dimensions: either as horizontal or as vertical. We are acquainted with the love which is horizontal; that is also the dimension of time. The vertical is the dimension of eternity.
The yearning in the heart is not for permanency. There you have misunderstood but that misunderstanding is almost universal because we know only one plane: the horizontal, the dimension of time. In that dimension there are only two possibilities: either something is momentary or permanent. But the permanent is nothing but many moments; that too begins and ends. Permanency is not eternal, it cannot be. Nothing can be eternal in time. That which is born in time is bound to die in time. If there is a beginning, there is an end.
And your love begins – it begins at a certain moment in time – then it is bound to end. Yes, it can end sooner or later. If it ends quickly you call it momentary, if it takes a little longer time to end you call it permanent. But permanency also is not going to fulfill the heart, because the heart longs for that which does not end at all, which is forever. It is the longing for God. God is another name for eternal love.
Jesus says: God is love – and that is one of the greatest statements ever made. Love becomes synonymous with God. If you can know the eternal love you have known godliness. Nothing is left, all is fulfilled.
But the mind knows nothing of eternity. The heart yearns for the eternal, but the heart is continuously being interpreted by the mind, and mind knows only either a very short-lived love or a little long-lived love. But even if love lives a little longer the fear will always be there that it is going to end, and your fear is right – it is going to end. In fact, it will be longer if you are unintelligent. If you are very, very thick and very, very unintelligent it will take a long, long time for you to understand the futility of it all. If you are very intelligent it can end quickly because you will see that there is nothing much in it.