But you are afraid. You would like to have your own control on your life: not only that – you would like to control the other’s life also. Hence the continuous quarrel between husbands and wives and lovers – constant quarrel, conflict. What is the conflict? The conflict is: Who will dominate whom? Who will possess whom? It has to be settled first. This is not a surrender but a domination – just the opposite. Whenever you dominate a person there is no fear. Whenever you love a person there is fear, because in love you surrender and you give total power to the other. Now the other can hurt, the other can reject, the other can say no. That’s why you live only two percent, not one hundred percent. Ninety-eight percent you are dead, insensitive. And insensitivity, deadness, is very much respected by the society. The more you are insensitive, the more society will respect you.
It is said, it happened in Lokmanya Tilak’s life – one of the great Indian leaders. He lived in Pune, just this town, and before Gandhi took over and dominated the scene he was the topmost man in India – it is said about him that he was a man of discipline, and men of discipline are always dead because discipline is nothing but how to deaden yourself. His wife died, and he was sitting in his office where he published a newspaper, Kesari – it is still published – when somebody reported, “Your wife has died, come home!” Hearing this, he looked at the clock at the back and he said, “But it is not yet time. I only leave my office at five.”
Look at the whole thing. What type of intimacy, what type of love, what type of caring and sharing was there? This man cares about his work, this man cares about time, but not about love. It seems almost impossible that when somebody says your wife is dead, to look at the clock and then to say, “It is not yet time. I leave my office only at five.” And the wonder of wonders is that all his biographers appreciate this incident very much. They say, “This is devotion to the country! This is how a disciplined man should be.” They think this is nonattachment. This is not nonattachment, this is not devotion to anything. This is simply deadness, an insensitivity. And one who is insensitive towards his wife, how can he be sensitive to the whole country? Impossible.
Remember, if you cannot love a person you cannot love humanity. That may be a trick. Those who cannot love persons – because it is very dangerous to love a person – they always think they love humanity. Where is humanity? Can you find it anywhere? It is just a word. Humanity exists nowhere. Wherever you go you will find a person existing. Life is persons, not humanity. Life is always personified, it exists as an individual. Society, country, humanity, are just words. Where is society? Where is the country, the motherland? You cannot love a mother, and you love a motherland? You must be deceiving somewhere. But the word is good, beautiful: motherland. You need not bother about the motherland, because the motherland is not a person, it is a fiction in your mind. It is your own ego.
You can love humanity, you can love the motherland, you can love society, and you are not capable of loving a person – because a person creates difficulties. Society will never create a difficulty because it is just a word. You need not surrender to it. You can dominate the word, the fiction, but you cannot dominate a person. Even with a small child it is impossible, you cannot dominate him because he has his own ego, he has his own mind, he has his own ways. It is almost impossible to dominate life but words can be easily dominated – because you are alone there.