You can ask any husband and any wife, you can ask any lover; they both feel cheated. It was your projection that the other had it. If you have a wrong projection, what can the other do about it? Your projection has been broken; the other did not prove according to your projection, that’s all. But the other has no obligation to prove his being according to your expectations.
And you have cheated the other…that is the feeling of the other, because the other was hoping that love would be flowing from you. You both were hoping love would be flowing from the other, and both were empty. How can love happen? At the most you can be miserable together. Before you used to be miserable alone, separate; now you can be miserable together. And remember, whenever two persons are miserable together, it is not a simple addition, it is a multiplication.
Alone you were feeling frustrated, now you feel frustrated together. One thing is good about it: that now you can throw the responsibility on the other – that the other is making you miserable. That is the good point. You can feel at ease, that “Nothing is wrong with me…the other…. What to do with such a wife – nasty, nagging?” One has to be miserable. “What to do with such a husband? – ugly, a miser.” Now you can throw the responsibility on the other; you have found a scapegoat. But misery remains, becomes multiplied.
Now this is the paradox: those who fall in love don’t have any love, that’s why they fall in love. And because they don’t have any love they cannot give. And one thing more: an immature person always falls in love with another immature person, because only they can understand each other’s language. A mature person loves a mature person, an immature person loves an immature person.
You can go on changing your husband or your wife a thousand and one times, you will again find the same type of woman and the same misery: repeated in different forms, but the same misery repeated – it is almost the same. You can change your wife, but you are not changed. Now who is going to choose the other wife? You will choose. The choice will come out of your immaturity again. You will choose a similar type of woman again.
The basic problem of love is to first become mature; then you will find a mature partner, then immature people will not attract you at all. It is just like that. If you are twenty-five years of age you don’t fall in love with a baby two years old…you don’t fall. Exactly like that, when you are a mature person psychologically, spiritually, you don’t fall in love with a baby. It does not happen, it cannot happen. You can see that it is going to be meaningless.
In fact a mature person does not fall in love, he rises in love. The word fall is not right. Only immature people fall, they stumble and fall down in love. Somehow they were managing and standing. They cannot manage and they cannot stand – they find a woman and they are gone, they find a man and they are gone. They were always ready to fall on the ground and to creep. They don’t have the backbone, the spine…they don’t have that integrity to stand alone.