Don’t try to choose. Rather remain choiceless and create a harmony, become a harmony. Don’t create any conflict within you – whatsoever you are, you are beautiful. You have all the ingredients to create a harmony. If you discard something, later on you will repent because that discarded part will some day be needed. Some day you will miss it and you will see then that it was necessary. It was to be there, and you discarded it. Don’t discard anything. Use everything that existence has given to you, make a harmony out of it. Harmony should be the goal.
The third question:
You said that just being in the presence of an enlightened master will transform. Before coming to you I felt more or less independent. Since being with you I seem to have become totally dependent on you. You are the light in my life. When I think of you leaving I get into a panic. Is this a natural stage which will pass by itself or is something wrong?
It is a natural stage if you allow it to pass. If you cling to it, then something goes wrong.
There are three steps in the spiritual growth – steps or stages. They can differ with each individual but there are always three. One is independence. That is an egoistic state: you want to be independent of all which is false, which is not possible because you are not independent, you cannot be. You are a part of this vast whole, of this cosmos. How can you be independent? You have to depend on millions for millions of things. You have to depend for light on the sun, for life on the sun, you have to depend for life on the air, on the oxygen, you have to depend on the trees for food. How can you be independent? You cannot. That is an egoistic effort and is bound to fail.
When independence fails, suddenly dependence arises; you move to the other pole. Because you don’t know how to be in the middle and how to create a harmony, you move to the other pole. Then you become dependent. Then you become afraid that if the object of your dependence is lost, what will happen to you? Then there is panic. But this is a second state: independence is false, dependence is also false.
Then there is the third point which has to be achieved, which I call the harmony. That is interdependence – a feeling of interdependence – you depend on the whole, and not only that, the whole depends on you.
I am reminded of a Jewish mystic, a Hasid mystic, Zusya, who used to say to God in every prayer: “I know my Lord, that I depend on you, but you must also know that you depend on me. I know that without you I cannot be, but let me remind you that without me you also cannot be.”
How can a god be there without you? – impossible.