The first question:
Something has happened to me through you, but it is something which is inexpressible. What it is I don’t know. But even then it is there.
The human mind tends to convert every experience into a question. That is a very destructive step. Please avoid it. Here near me the whole purpose is to know that which is not knowable, to know that which is not expressible, to know that which cannot be put into words. When it starts happening don’t make a problem out of it, don’t create a question out of it, because your very questioning will become a stopping. Then your mind will have started something else. Then you are distracted.
When it starts happening, enjoy it, love it, be nourished by it, savor it, dance it, sing it, but don’t make a question about it. Just be it. And allow it total space. It will grow. It needs space in you to grow.
Don’t be in a hurry to make a theory out of it. Theories are very dangerous. They can kill the child in the womb. The moment you start thinking in terms of analyzing, knowing what it is and what it is not, comparing, labeling, you are moving towards an abortion. You will miss something that was going to grow – you killed it. Don’t be suicidal, don’t be analytical, just allow it. Feel its presence – but not with the mind. Feel its presence with your totality. Let your heart be open to it and it will grow.
And in that very growth, by and by understanding will come. Understanding is not going to come through analysis, through thinking, through brooding, through logic. Understanding is going to come by deeper and deeper experience.
You say something has happened to you through me, but it is something which is inexpressible. Let it be so. Be happy. You are blessed. When something inexpressible starts happening then you are on the right track, you are moving towards godliness the ultimate mystery. Whenever you have something within you which you cannot understand, that simply shows something bigger than you has entered in you – otherwise you could have understood it, you could have figured it out. Something bigger than the mind has penetrated you, a ray of light in the dark soul, a ray of light in the dark night of the mind. The mind cannot comprehend it; it is beyond its understanding. But not beyond understanding, remember. Beyond the understanding that is possible for the mind, but not beyond understanding – because there is understanding which is not of the mind: the understanding of the total organ, of your total being, of your totality.