So a person who is on the border of metaphysical sleep will want to be initiated. He can hear something, he can understand something, he sees something. Everything is as if in a mist, but still, he feels something; so he can approach a person who is awakened and surrender himself. This much can be done by a sleepy person. This surrendering means he understands that something quite different from his sleep is happening. Somewhere he feels it. He cannot know it correctly, but he feels it.
Whenever a buddha passes, those who are on the border line of sleep can recognize that there is something different about this man. He behaves differently, he speaks differently, he lives differently, he walks differently; something has happened to him. Those who are on the border line can feel it; but they are asleep, and this borderline awareness is not permanent. They may fall back into sleep at any moment.
So before they fall into a deeper unconsciousness, they can surrender to the awakened one. This is initiation from the side of the initiated. He says, “I cannot do anything myself. I am helpless, and I know that if I do not surrender this moment, I may again go into deep sleep. Then it will be impossible to surrender.” So there are moments that cannot be lost, and one who loses those moments may not be able to get them again for centuries, for lifetimes, because it is not in one’s hands when one will come again to the border line. It happens for so many reasons that are beyond your control.
On the part of the initiated, initiation is a total letting go: a complete trust, a complete surrender. It can never be partial. If you surrender partially, you are not surrendering, you are deceiving yourself. There can be no partial surrender, because in partial surrender you are withholding something, and that withholding may push you again into a deep sleep. That nonsurrendering part will prove fatal; any moment you may again be in deep sleep.
Surrender is always total. That is why trust was required and always will be required in initiation. Trust is required as a total condition, as a total requirement. And the moment you surrender totally, things begin to change; now you cannot go back to your dream life. This surrendering shatters the whole projection, the whole projecting mind, because this projecting mind is tethered to the ego, it cannot live without the ego. The ego is the main center of it, the base. If you surrender, you have surrendered the very base. You have given up completely.
Initiation is just a person who is asleep asking for help to be awakened. He surrenders to one who is awake. It is very simple; the thing is not very complex. When you go to a Buddha, to a Jesus, or to a Mohammed and surrender yourself, what you are surrendering is your sleep, your dreams. You cannot surrender anything more, because you are nothing more. You surrender this; your sleep, your dreaming, your whole nonsense of the past you surrender.
So from the initiated it is a surrendering of the past, and from the one who initiates you it is a responsibility for the future. He becomes responsible – and only he can be responsible; you can never be responsible. How can one who is asleep be responsible? Responsibility comes with awakening.