When I first sat in front of you at Woodlands, fourteen years ago, there was an explosion inside. I don’t know what it means, but I’ve often had the feeling that all I’ve been trying to do ever since is catch up to something that has already happened.
Krishna Prem, the question you have asked has tremendous implications for all the seekers of truth, because it is a question which touches the very fundamental law of those who are in search of something inexplicable, something inexpressible.
Let me first make the law clear to you. It may have happened to many; it is going to happen to everybody. But you may not have taken the whole, comprehensive view. The law is that when you first meet the master you come innocent, without any experience. You simply come as a receptivity, a sensitivity – ready to move into any dimension, willingly and totally. Hence, the first meeting with the master always brings an explosion.
The explosion happens because of your innocence, because of your unexpecting mind. You know nothing about spirituality, you know nothing about ecstasy. Your not-knowing is the cause of the explosion. But then begins a very troublesome journey. Then begins a nightmare. Then, each and every moment you are waiting for that explosion to happen again. And you may wait for years – it will not happen, because you are not fulfilling the basic condition for its happening. You have forgotten completely in what situation the first explosion has happened.
Now there is no way to be again in that situation. Whatever you do there will be the expectation, the experience. You cannot create that not-knowing; that is not within your hands, and that is not the way existence functions. So the first thing you have to do, Krishna Prem, is to forget all about that explosion. It was good that it happened, but there are far greater things. Why bother about something so primary, a kindergarten experience….
(An explosion – more like a “pop” really – happens with impeccable timing, as firecrackers are set off at a neighborhood wedding celebration.)
You see? Just like that!
Start waiting for something greater. Of course you don’t know what that something will be…. (Another explosion! And the assembly collapses with laughter. The master looks around, tentatively and grinning.)
I am afraid that the moment I say anything more, it will happen again!
(A pause to let the hilarity settle.)
You start fresh.
You sit by my side, not expecting but waiting.
And try to understand the difference between expecting and just waiting. In expectation there is a desire and there is a clear-cut object that you are desiring. And that is blocking your progress. When you are just waiting, you don’t know for what, the experience of just waiting is so precious, so valuable, so deeply transforming that something greater than the first explosion is bound to happen.