Lately, I have been feeling very insecure, and I see how much I dislike that space of not knowing. And then I try all kinds of stupid things to control the situation. I feel as if it is such an imprisonment, and at the same time, I have a deep feeling in me that knows that this is how life is, and I should accept it. I find it very difficult to watch myself, and the insecurity comes up even more. Could you please comment?
We are trained in wrong ways; otherwise, security is something to be afraid of, and insecurity is something to be rejoiced. What exactly is insecurity? It means tomorrow is not going to repeat today. It means tomorrow you may not even be alive. It means that one has to live each moment as if it is the last moment.
A life of security will be simply boring. It will be like seeing the same movie again and again and again – knowing every detail of what is going to happen. You can enjoy a movie only once. If you are an idiot, then it is another matter….
Insecurity is the very fabric of life. If you don’t understand insecurity, you can never understand life. Seasons will change; climates will change; the fall will come, the spring will come. Everything will go on changing, nothing can be taken for granted; this is insecurity. You want everything to be certain, permanent. But have you ever thought what will be the outcome of it if everything is permanent? You eat the same food every day, you say the same things every day, you listen to the same things every day. And there is no death even to demolish this tragic living – you are living in a nightmare.
Insecurity keeps people fresh, alive, adventurous – knowing that things can be changed. Even without their changing them, they are going to be changed. So there is great scope for change, for transformation.
An ancient saying is, “The authentic man is one whom the sunrise never finds where the sunset leaves him”; or, “where the sunrise leaves him, the sunset never finds him there.” He is always on the move, he is a flow…he is not a dirty pond going nowhere.
But the whole training of our minds is such that we are made afraid of insecurity, and our whole life we are trying for safety. Financially, politically, religiously – in every dimension we want to be secure. But security means death, a living death. It means tomorrow will be simply a repetition of today, and today is a repetition of yesterday.
Are you living? Is there a dance in your life? Are you moving, growing, risking, taking the challenges of dangerous paths? In the acceptance of the danger, in the acceptance that anything can happen any moment, life comes to its best, to its fullest.
Your question is, “Lately, I have been feeling very insecure, and I see how much I dislike that space of not knowing.” You are completely upside down; you will have to change your posture. Insecurity is not a space that has to be disliked, it is a space that has to be loved and cherished, celebrated…because tomorrow will bring new news.